I'm in a hotel by the airport, and will be leaving the US tomorrow morning. Twelve days in the US and three sightings of the ex... luckily, no actual contact. It will be better, one day, when I can return without having to give him or his psycho family a single thought.

As I mentioned in my last post, I thought I saw him drive by as I was talking to someone at a construction site. It wasn't the same car he used to drive, but I was 90% certain it was him. It sure as hell looked like him anyway.

A few days later, my mom and I were leaving said construction site. Just as we pulled away, the same dark green metallic car pulled up alongside the site. Whoever was driving stopped to chat with the workers. When we drove back by about 15 minutes later, the car was gone.

Today, as we were leaving town (as in I was on my way out of town for at least the next year, heading for a hotel by the nearest airport), we drove past him. It was a T intersection, and he was waiting for the light to turn left, I was approaching to turn right. I noticed the car first. Obviously since that first encounter, I'd been paying close attention to the drivers of all small, dark green, metallic sedans. And whaddyaknow, there he was. I got a good look this time, and now have 100% confirmation - it was definitely him. Three sightings in twelve days is enough for me. Although as my mom pointed out, at least he didn't do a u-turn and follow us.

On another note, I stopped by the ex-job at one point while I was in town. I wouldn't have bothered, except that the construction site I kept having to visit was just a few blocks away from it. I figured I might as well pop in. The Spy seemed pretty pleased to see me. The rest of the bunch ranged in reactions from apathy to pretending they didn't see me. Whatever. I can't say it bothered me in the least... although boy am I glad to no longer be a part of that ongoing catastrophe.

The whole being-over-budget-yet-unfinished-new-facility nonsense that I mentioned last time I wrote about the ex-job had - according to the newspapers - been remedied. According to the staff, that wasn't true; it was just sort of half-assed remedied to get by, while the politicians and the board pat each other on the back and try to make themselves look nice again in the eyes of the community. There was a letter in today's local paper from the board, thanking the community for their kind donations, and thanking the various government agencies that had been responsible for the severe fuckups in the first place for all their kind support. What bullshit. But totally not surprising.

Additionally, while I was there, the Spy asked the current director if there was any word on whether or not the ex-boss would finally be charged with anything. Both the director and another high-up employee said something along the lines of, "Give it a rest, Spy. If nothing's happened by now, nothing's going to happen." Now, I've known ever since six months passed following the beginning of the "investigation" (compromised by lies from the "consultant" and misdirection and lack of cooperation from the board) without an arrest that nothing was going to happen. However, this is the first time anyone affiliated with the ex-job has actually come out and said so. Granted, they weren't saying this in public, but still, they said it. (According to the Spy, when the issue of the ex-boss gets brought up at board meetings, the board still sticks to the fiction that "The DA and the Sheriff's office are still investigating" - what bullshit.)

Anyway, that's all I have on that drama - thank the gods. Time for me to get some rest; I've got an early flight!

I'm (temporarily) back in the US, in the tiny ass little town where all of the events chronicled in this blog have taken place. I'm hoping that I'll be long gone by the time word gets back to the ex-boss and the ex-boyfriend that I'm in town, although chances are I'll just run into them down at the Wal-Marts as they say.

I may have actually seen the ex-boyfriend yesterday. Not sure. I was standing on the side of the road having a somewhat important conversation with someone. A car drove by, slowed down, and the driver hung his head out the window and did a visible double take. Granted, the driver may have been looking at what was behind me (a house in the process of being dismantled), but it sure seemed like he was looking at me.

It wasn't the same car the ex used to drive. It was a two-door, dark metallic green, probably about ten years old. (NPH, but if anything happens to me, look for someone driving a car fitting that description. Just saying.) The dude driving it looked a LOT like my ex. I didn't turn my head, interrupt the conversation I was having, or give any indication that I had noticed this person. This also means that I didn't get a decent look at him, and whoever it was may have just been looking at the house behind me.

Since then, there have been about eight hang-ups on my mom's phone. My mom doesn't have caller ID, so who knows who they were.

But seriously, after the day I had, I'd be more than willing to punch that son of a bitch in the face. Or shoot him. Asshole. I'm not scared any more.

oh, ex job (the more things change, the more they stay the same)

Sigh. I'm so glad I don't work there any more, and am incredibly thankful to no longer be caught up in any of their drama. That being said, it just kills me to learn that things continue to not go well out there, meaning that those the organization is supposed to help are suffering. If you know who I am and who are on facebook with me already know all of the details (and if you missed it, just hunt around the links posted recently on my profile).

Since I don't want to give away the exact nature of the organization, I'll have to be really vague with this post. They were supposed to be building a new facility. The local government agencies that fund them budgeted a pretty small amount with which to do so, but as they were supposed to be using prison labor, this small amount was expected to cut it. That being said, given how small the amount was, I could see going over budget by $5000 or even $10,000. They're currently $50,000+ over budget - and the new facility is not finished yet. Additionally, work on the place had stalled because the various government agencies that were funding the construction all decided that it was someone else's responsibility to pay for completion. Of course, the organization is using the unequipped and unfinished facility anyway, as they have nowhere else to go. Not to give too many details, but let's just say that as a result of using said unequipped, unfinished facility, severe harm has been caused to those the organization is there to help.

And this has apparently been going on for months.

I know the person who is currently the director, and while he's a nice guy who cares about the work he does, I know he was chosen by the board mainly because he's a Yes Man. When they tell him not to make waves, he doesn't make waves. I would've been raising hell had that been going on under my watch, but then again, I'm through being anybody's Yes Girl.

Although perhaps the current director was the person who slipped this morsel of information to the press. Yes, the press have gotten involved - and the story has gone national, having been picked up by the AP. And wouldn't you know it: as soon as this was appearing on websites, in newspapers, and on the evening news, the local government agencies were tripping over each other to pay for some of the most immediate needs of the facility. And of course, they continue to point the finger at each other "It's not *our* agency's fault this happened. *They* were supposed to pay for it."

And meanwhile, those the organization is there to help continue to suffer.

I haven’t posted an update on the ex-boss in ages, mainly due to the fact that I’ve had nothing whatsoever to report. As far as I can tell, this is mainly due to the fact that there have been no developments; however, the following information was just relayed to me by the Spy.

You may remember that the ex-boss “runs” her own “non-profit charity” (I use those words rather loosely, given that she’s a flim-flam artist) which is similar in nature to the ex-job from which she was fired back in September 2009. A similar – although legitimate – charity in a northern state had donated several thousand dollars to the ex-boss’s “charity” to be used for a specific purpose. The northern charity then rented a u-haul type truck, packed it full of supplies to be donated to the ex-boss’s charity, then drove all the way to the southern state in which the ex-boss and her charity are located. As the northern charity is in the process of filming a promotional documentary, they brought along video cameras.

Now, the ex-boss always described her organization as having “a state of the art facility” – although I have seen it with my own eyes, and I find it simply mind-boggling that it somehow manages to pass inspections by the overseeing state agency, as the conditions are pretty disgusting. Anyway, imagine the shock when the people from the northern charity arrived to find that the “state of the art facility” to be, in fact, the hell pit that I remember. Additionally, there were several gross violations of the organizations mandate (which I can’t elaborate on here without giving way the nature of the ex-boss’s “charity”).

Not surprisingly, the northern folks were disgusted and enraged by what they found, and used their cameras to film as much as possible. Equally not too surprising (if you know the ex-boss) was the fact that she was furious at the presence of cameras on her property. Additionally, the ex-boss refused to answer questions regarding the visible gross violations and refused to answer questions regarding the money which the northern charity had donated for a specific purpose. (Had that money been used as claimed, they would have been able to see evidence of this; they saw no signs that it had been used for the claimed specific purpose.)

While the northern folks were trying to elicit information about how their donations had been spent, this somehow triggered an argument between the ex-boss and her daughter, which devolved into a fist-fight… all of which was captured on video by the northerners!! The ex-boss (true to form) told them that if they showed the video to anyone she would “sue them for slander and libel” – hah.

The northern folks, feeling that they’d been thoroughly swindled, ran a google search and discovered that the ex-boss had been fired from the ex-job and had been accused of ripping them off for tens of thousands of dollars… and they called the ex-job’s current director to vent and compare notes. This is, of course, how the Spy got the information which he then relayed to me. God how I would love to see the video footage. And can someone please, please arrest these people already??

There are still numerous people who believe the ex-boss is a good person. This is because they don't know her very well, and because she talks a good game. I initially thought she was a great person, because I fell for her bullshit just like everyone else does. The woman is a champion bullshit artist. She runs a non-profit organization that receives a lot of money in donations... and does *some* work for its cause that is good... but most of what the donations do is fund her lifestyle. Anyway, the ex-job's current boss and Board of Directors received an email from a woman who believes the ex-boss is wonderful. I've met this person - she is someone who cares a lot for the cause... and who only has contact with the ex-boss about 4 times a year. All of the times they've had contact have obviously been positive. The letter is below. It was sent to me by the vice president of the board, with an email asking me "your thoughts on this??"

Dear [Current Boss],

I will go ahead and put something in writing to your Board of Directors and also forward the same to your attorney. Do they have open Board Meetings or are they held privately, I came past the [organization] around 6:00pm last night passing through to [city] on my way back to [another city] I had seen you already closed.

I am a [irrelevant job title] for a [irrelevant company]. Even though [city] is not my territory, I do pass through several times a year.

I would like someone to address this problem and see what can be done to help [do what the organization does]. I see this as a waste of people times when is essence you have a great group close by and are refusing to work with them, when other groups are so overloaded and can't move animals the way they can.

As you stated I have googled [ex-director’s organization] and seen only great things and fantastic accomplishments. Also as you directed I googled your former directors name and only found information from last year concerning accusations from your organization. Was there any criminal outcome or civil outcome that was not published?

I have also seen how many awards she and her organization won for [the work they do]. There were several articles written on the wonderful work they have done [in this area of work] including many from your organization with numerous quotes from this same attorney, and several board members.

I don't understand how these few articles concerning her termination over a short period of time maybe 45 days has made them so bitter toward her help. Especially as the one article states there is no evidence to support the claim and it was being investigated by your sheriffs department. It leads me to believe that they were just accusations. But that is neither her or there. I just felt the need to address this as you have stated twice she and [her organization] were criminals or so horrible that [those she claims to help] would suffer.

I do believe, no matter what, [her organization] is an organization you would want on your side, and put aside your past employment differences to benefit the [needy group] of your community.

I finally spoke to them this morning and was told, under no circumstances, will she discuss anything with her prior employment there as the only thing that suffers is the [needy group] in your care.

But your [organization having problems] was addressed and a concern for them. They did not address your organization with any foul words but spoke eloquently and professionally. They stated you [have problems]. So it seems your organization is not working in the best interest of [those you help]. I may be wrong however, this is the impression I have received. I am sorry if that seems harsh. I just think maybe people feelings got hurt and they need to overcome this.

What can I or my contacts do to help alleviate these issues? What can I say in this letter to your Board that may be able to help with this issue with [the ex-director’s organization].

Please let me know and I will get this letter voicing our concerns for these [group helped by these orgs] out as soon as possible maybe a petition will work or help? Please also let me know when your board meetings are held. Also is it correct in stating your organization is government funded? Who in the government can I write or call to address this issues with them? Is there a Mayor or a Board of Commissioners? Maybe that will help since your funding is not private and your board seems to not have the best interest of the [group they help] and are more worried about their pride.

This was my reply to the vice president of the board:

I think perhaps a public statement is in order, detailing what exactly the Sheriff's Department, local DA, etc have done in reference to the investigation into [the ex-boss], and that this is now a matter for the courts. You should consider including in the public statement both the irrefutable evidence of the financial situation [the organization] was in upon her termination, and a statement that this is not a matter of "hurt feelings" but a matter of mismanagement and criminal activity. I would suggest mentioning that while you support the [service]-related actions of [the ex-boss’s organization], the prior actions of [the ex-boss] while she was connected with [the organization] cannot be condoned.

But, of course, they didn't take my advice, and as usual, are doing nothing that might possibly bring them (and by "them" I mean the members of the board, not the organization itself) bad publicity:

We are sitting tight for the moment...waiting for the DA to do whatever he plans to do...don't want to stir up any more controversy than we have already had.

Not too much to update on the ex-boss since my last post on this topic. Anyway, word had gotten back to us (keep in mind: small town) that the ex-boss was going around telling people she got a huge settlement, that she wouldn't have to work for a year or more, and even telling some people that the settlement was for $40,000. Well, I missed the last board meeting, but apparently they stated that the workman's comp settlement was for $11,000. While on one hand, I'm glad she didn't get the $40k she's bragging about, it is still infuriating to think that after milking the place for so much money for so long, she now has $11k more. Ugh. There is no justice.

THANK YOU

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone of you who encouraged me and helped me along thought all that horrific mess that went along with the ex-boyfriend. Your advice and encouragement, both here in the comments, on facebook, and in emails, really meant a LOT to me and were definitely what I needed. THANK YOU!!

I was actually in the car the other day listening to a podcast from a week or so ago that I just hadn't had time to listen to when I started thinking about this a good deal. The podcast in question was the Diane Rehm Show's May 10th episode entitled Abusive Relationships Among Teens and Young Adults (you can listen to it here, if you're interested). As you probably gather from the title, the show focused on teens and those in their early 20s, not women in their early 30s like myself, but it had some really interesting points.

One point in particular was the use of modern technology to further enable abusers. The panelists seemed to think that we older women wouldn't really be affected by this, because we aren't as joined-at-the-hip with technology as the younger generations. I thought that while they were very much on target with how abusers use technology to control their victims, they totally missed the mark when they claimed that this was something that only affected teens and women in their early 20s!

In my case, the cell phone was used as a constant means of control and keeping track of me. When I was dating the ex, when he called, if I answered, it was fine. If I didn't reply, he would call over and over and over and over until I did. I would get furious with him over having to get out of the shower or out of bed to answer his lame ass calls, but his excuse was always, "Oh, but I was worried about you. I thought something might've happened." Of course, by the end of the relationship, he'd started in on the "Where are you? That doesn't sound like your mom's house!" kind of bullshit. After I finally kicked him out, he called me non-stop over and over and over for days, only ceasing calling in order to text. This is all detailed in previous posts, so I'm not going to repeat it here. Suffice it to say, the damn cell phone, while convenient to me in so many ways, was like a leash tethering me to that psycho. I'm glad I'm free of him.

One other thing from this episode of Diane Rehm - towards the end of the show, a woman named Amanda called in to share her story. By the end of that segment I was sobbing away as I drove down the road, because it sounded sooooo much like I went through (even down to the involvement of the fellow's mother). Sigh.

Anyway: THANK YOU ALL!!