So as y’all know, I’d been in contact with my ex. This was in part because I do think that being in touch with some of my exes actually helped me to get over them. Your exes treat you differently when they’re your ex, and has at least helped *me* put things into perspective in the past. Meanwhile, it was obviously not helping the ex, since he continued with his begging/pleading/crying routine every time we spoke. He also continued calling me all the time, and then started showing up at my house.
Slight interlude: Something I hate more than anything else is people who call and call and call. I have run across several of folks like this in my life, and I just don’t get it. If I call a friend and they don’t answer, I leave a message. If I don’t hear back within a certain amount of time (which, depending on how well I know the person and how urgent it is… but this time can range from a day to as week) I will call back and either talk to them or leave another message. And unless it’s a close family member or someone that I’m worried might’ve had an accident or something, that’s it. At that point, I stop calling. Then there are people who call over and over and over. If I don’t answer, it’s because I can’t talk to you, or because I don’t want to talk to you. This should be obvious! Now, I have a bit of a phone phobia to begin with, and to be honest, this whole calling over and over and over thing really freaks me out, even when it is done by someone annoying but innocuous. When it’s the crazy ex, it’s really disturbing.
Yesterday I was in class from early morning to mid afternoon. He knew that it was my first day of class. I had my phone set to vibrate (luckily, my vibrate setting is incredibly quiet – I can’t hear is at all when it’s in my pocket) – and he called and texted me over and over non-stop all day! The initial message was something like, “Please call me back, I have something really important to ask you.” Each successive message got crazier and crazier, ie “Please call me back. Why are you doing this to me? Please stop ignoring me. I just need to ask you something.” When I finally got out of my last class and went home, I was so pissed off, that I decided this was it – I was going to do like so many of you have advised and just cut off contact with him completely. So when he called again, I answered, chewed him out for calling me all day, and informed him that I wasn’t going to continue communicating with him, and told him that if he continued to call/text/visit I would get a restraining order against him. I then hung up and sent him a text message saying the same thing. This way if I do have to get a RO, there will be proof that I have indeed told him to stop doing these things.
And then I stopped responding. He called over and over and over and texted over and over and over…. Finally, when my phone hadn’t rung in about 30 minutes, I thought I would at least go through and delete his obnoxious texts and voicemails, so that I wouldn’t have to deal with them when I received texts/vms from people that I actually want to hear from. Well, his messages were all “I’m going to kill myself if you don’t talk to me” and finally one (both a text and a vm) that said “I’ve cut myself and am bleeding all over the place. I hope you’re happy.” To be honest, I didn’t care at all… except that knowing his mother and her crazy obsession with cockamamie lawsuits, I figured if he really did die, and she discovered that he’d messaged me in the process, she would try and sue me. So, I called 911.
I made sure the dispatcher knew that he was my ex, and had been threatening to kill himself as a means of getting me to call him. I told her I had no idea if he’d actually done anything or if he was just trying to get me to call him. She sent both the police and EMS. (I have to admit that the thought of having the police show up at the ex-boss’s house thoroughly amuses me. Also, why have they not yet arrested her? Grrrrr.)
Anyway, later in the evening (and this morning, too) I received several texts and vms from him. “I’m in the hospital.” “I just got out of the hospital” “I’m so sorry” “I’m not mad at you for sending the police to my house” “Please call me” “Please call me” “Please call me” Blah. Needless to say, I did not answer, and I am not going to do so.
4 comments:
sooooooooooooo freakin crazy!!!! You did exactly right thing by calling the police and not calling him or going over there. Also it doesn't make sense. If he was really trying to kill himself, wouldn't his wounds have been much worse (ie not so minimal that they release him from the hospital the very next day). ANd if his wound looked like they were in an attempt to kill himself they would have Baker acted him and put him on a 3 day watch.
Soooooooooooooo shitty to try to manipulate you with something so serious as suicide.
Sorry for the rediculous drama you are having to go through.
yes - this is all crazy and I think that you did the right thing by calling the police. One suggestion though regarding this statement:
"I was going to do like so many of you have advised and just cut off contact with him completely. So when he called again, I answered..."
You've got to stop answering, even if you are only answering to say "leave me alone," it's counterproductive. You've already told him - no need to tell him again. Good luck and I hope he stops calling.
Changing the phone number would eliminate much drama.
He's a manipulative psycho.
He is *not* the sort of ex that you remain friendly with.
I agree. You can't answer any more calls, no matter the circumstances. That kind of manipulation is way, way over the line. Like Anonymous 3:57 said, this isn't a "let's still be friends" kind of ex.
Changing your phone number seems to be a good idea, though it makes me worry that he'd be more likely to show up at your house if he knew there was no way of reaching you on the phone. But I suppose it you stick to the plan of not answering your current number, that may end up happening anyway. How about going down and filing for that restraining order? Like right now?
Also, is it normal for hospitals to release people who have just attempted suicide? I admit, everything I think I 'know' on the subject comes from silly TV shows, but I thought they were required to hold suicide risks. Do you have any way of knowing that the cops actually went to his house and took him to the hospital?
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