I'm in a hotel by the airport, and will be leaving the US tomorrow morning. Twelve days in the US and three sightings of the ex... luckily, no actual contact. It will be better, one day, when I can return without having to give him or his psycho family a single thought.

As I mentioned in my last post, I thought I saw him drive by as I was talking to someone at a construction site. It wasn't the same car he used to drive, but I was 90% certain it was him. It sure as hell looked like him anyway.

A few days later, my mom and I were leaving said construction site. Just as we pulled away, the same dark green metallic car pulled up alongside the site. Whoever was driving stopped to chat with the workers. When we drove back by about 15 minutes later, the car was gone.

Today, as we were leaving town (as in I was on my way out of town for at least the next year, heading for a hotel by the nearest airport), we drove past him. It was a T intersection, and he was waiting for the light to turn left, I was approaching to turn right. I noticed the car first. Obviously since that first encounter, I'd been paying close attention to the drivers of all small, dark green, metallic sedans. And whaddyaknow, there he was. I got a good look this time, and now have 100% confirmation - it was definitely him. Three sightings in twelve days is enough for me. Although as my mom pointed out, at least he didn't do a u-turn and follow us.

On another note, I stopped by the ex-job at one point while I was in town. I wouldn't have bothered, except that the construction site I kept having to visit was just a few blocks away from it. I figured I might as well pop in. The Spy seemed pretty pleased to see me. The rest of the bunch ranged in reactions from apathy to pretending they didn't see me. Whatever. I can't say it bothered me in the least... although boy am I glad to no longer be a part of that ongoing catastrophe.

The whole being-over-budget-yet-unfinished-new-facility nonsense that I mentioned last time I wrote about the ex-job had - according to the newspapers - been remedied. According to the staff, that wasn't true; it was just sort of half-assed remedied to get by, while the politicians and the board pat each other on the back and try to make themselves look nice again in the eyes of the community. There was a letter in today's local paper from the board, thanking the community for their kind donations, and thanking the various government agencies that had been responsible for the severe fuckups in the first place for all their kind support. What bullshit. But totally not surprising.

Additionally, while I was there, the Spy asked the current director if there was any word on whether or not the ex-boss would finally be charged with anything. Both the director and another high-up employee said something along the lines of, "Give it a rest, Spy. If nothing's happened by now, nothing's going to happen." Now, I've known ever since six months passed following the beginning of the "investigation" (compromised by lies from the "consultant" and misdirection and lack of cooperation from the board) without an arrest that nothing was going to happen. However, this is the first time anyone affiliated with the ex-job has actually come out and said so. Granted, they weren't saying this in public, but still, they said it. (According to the Spy, when the issue of the ex-boss gets brought up at board meetings, the board still sticks to the fiction that "The DA and the Sheriff's office are still investigating" - what bullshit.)

Anyway, that's all I have on that drama - thank the gods. Time for me to get some rest; I've got an early flight!

I'm (temporarily) back in the US, in the tiny ass little town where all of the events chronicled in this blog have taken place. I'm hoping that I'll be long gone by the time word gets back to the ex-boss and the ex-boyfriend that I'm in town, although chances are I'll just run into them down at the Wal-Marts as they say.

I may have actually seen the ex-boyfriend yesterday. Not sure. I was standing on the side of the road having a somewhat important conversation with someone. A car drove by, slowed down, and the driver hung his head out the window and did a visible double take. Granted, the driver may have been looking at what was behind me (a house in the process of being dismantled), but it sure seemed like he was looking at me.

It wasn't the same car the ex used to drive. It was a two-door, dark metallic green, probably about ten years old. (NPH, but if anything happens to me, look for someone driving a car fitting that description. Just saying.) The dude driving it looked a LOT like my ex. I didn't turn my head, interrupt the conversation I was having, or give any indication that I had noticed this person. This also means that I didn't get a decent look at him, and whoever it was may have just been looking at the house behind me.

Since then, there have been about eight hang-ups on my mom's phone. My mom doesn't have caller ID, so who knows who they were.

But seriously, after the day I had, I'd be more than willing to punch that son of a bitch in the face. Or shoot him. Asshole. I'm not scared any more.

With regards to the investigation into the ex-boss, it seems that I have even less than nothing to update. While I had been infuriated to discover that the sheriff's department hadn't been given the case until January, when I spoke to the detective back in February, she made it seem like she was going to do everything in her power to bring charges against the ex-boss. And yet, nothing has happened. Unfortunately, I know how small town politics works. I know that if the truth comes to light, it'll look very bad for certain members of the board, and I know that these certain board members are “important” people in our community. While the detective seemed pretty gung-ho about bringing the truth to light, even if it looked bad for the board, I find myself wondering who *her* boss is friends with. A word in the right ear around here and she might be asked to drop the investigation. Who knows; I hope that this won't happen, but as it is now APRIL and nothing has happened, I'm seriously starting to doubt that anything will.

This is how the ex-boss keeps getting away with shit. And she'll continue to do so until somebody finally has her arrested. Oh, wait... she already got off on a murder charge, so I guess she doesn't stop even then. Sigh. I checked out her personal non-profit's website the other day; apparently her org is now allied with a large national corporation in a nearby city to fund-raise and to, well... to do what it is her org claims to do. I've seen the conditions of her org... and it's obvious that while some of her money goes to maintaining it, the bulk of the money she brings in from fund-raising does not go to her org at all. And now she's got another cash cow to milk, since the ex-job seems to have let her get away with her scam.

I hadn't heard from the psycho ex since that scary night back in January when I had to call 911. Here I was, thinking that my pseudo-temp-restraining-order was working, that he would at least leave me alone from here on out. Well, today he called my mom. My mother does not have caller ID. Even before this whole crazy-ex business, I couldn't bring myself to answer the phone at her house, because I never knew who would be on the other end. Yes, I have a phone phobia. Well, now I have yet another reason to not answer the phone at her house. She answered the phone, and there he was on the other end. He claimed to have called to wish *US* - as in me and my mom - a happy Easter. He swore to my mom that he hadn't stolen the expensive object of hers which we suspect he stole. He also said that he has been in the city where my father lives since the day after “our disagreement,” (you know, when I called the cops on him because he was hiding in my bushes after unscrewing my front porch lightbulb) where he has been working. When my mom pointed out that he had been seen in a local grocery store by one of my friends three full weeks after that date, he said, “That's bullshit.” Hah. He also told her that he thinks about me every day, and really wishes I would call him. [Insert profanity here. I uttered a lot of it.]

I had my interview today with the detective who is investigating both the ex-boss and the recent theft of a piece of equipment from my mom. Now, the prime suspects in this theft (to me and my mom at any rate) are the ex-boyfriend and the ex-boss. The detective used the theft as an excuse to go out and visit the ex-boss, ostensibly to see if the ex-boyfriend was around (no sign of the stolen equipment, but she didn't have a warrant, so she couldn't poke around). Anyhow, the ex-boss told the detective that the ex-boyfriend wasn't there because he was in a southern state visiting his sister... keep in mind that just a few weeks ago she sent a letter to the court stating that he had moved PERMANENTLY to a northern state, and was there working. This letter is the reason why the restraining order wasn't issued. And of course there's the fact that a friend and former coworker saw the ex-boyfriend here in town a little more than a week ago. Now because the letter that the ex-boss wrote wasn't “under oath” she can't be charged with perjury, but she can be charged with contempt of court... which I guess will just be thrown in with all the other charges that are probably going to be brought against her. Not that this does anything to get me my restraining order, but it's something.

The most astounding thing that I learned today? Now I knew that the ex-boss had a criminal record, because she bragged about it, although she never told anyone what it was that she'd been charged with. Well, apparently she'd been charged with a variety of small things. And oh yeah, HOMICIDE. That's right, the ex-boss stood trial for fucking MURDER. She was acquitted, but apparently due to some kind of evidentiary problem. That's right ladies and gentleman, she got off on a technicality. She was, however, convicted on a felony firearms charge from this whole murder thing. So yeah, the person who has been threatening me and my mother and our animals has killed someone. Actually killed someone. Fuck me. The detective just told me the bare bones of the case... it is driving me crazy that I can't find any details via google. I'm guessing she must have been tried under another name or something. (She's been married three times and I only know two of those names, and then there's her maiden name which I don't know.)

(Apparently the ex-boss was also dismissed from a previous employer – one she always claims she retired from, even though she is way too young to have retired from anywhere – due to a sexual harassment claim from a subordinate, although compared to MURDER that kinda pales into insignificance. Also: ew. Even if I were a horny guy: ew. She is so not attractive.)

Other than that, the interview wasn't too astounding. I'd already learned from my friend that the Board hadn't exactly been forthcoming with evidence, so I wasn't too surprised when she showed me the tiny amount of evidence that they had given her. In fact, I think that what I was able to give her today was more damning than the whole entire amount of things the Board had given her! Anyway, she is going to face several charges of theft (including felony counts) and some other charges as well. The whole thing with the ex-boss's daughter claiming she was doing community service at the ex-job while receiving her salary and while not actually working... well, they are both going to get in serious trouble for that. I also gave the detective copies of all the crazy shit that the ex-boss and her daughter had written about me on facebook. I'm not sure that it's going to come of anything, but she definitely took it a lot more seriously than the police officer to whom I'd show them previously. Of course, she's seen their rap sheets, and he hadn't!

One thing that I found interesting – there is a woman who is no longer officially on the Board, although she is present at every single meeting the Board calls her a “consultant.” This woman was responsible for the allowing the ex-boss's predecessor to get out of control (leading to a very different type of scandal long before I arrived) and she is responsible for the hiring of both the ex-boss and her daughter. She is also the person who swore at the Board meeting that she had no knowledge of the credit card the ex-boss had opened... and who later told the detective that she couldn't actually swear in court that she hadn't okayed the credit card because she didn't really remember... Anyway, from the questions I was asked about her, it became clear that the Sheriff's department is looking into the "consultant" as well. I am thrilled by this, as I cannot stand this woman. Also, this “consultant” was supposed to be the liaison between the Board and the Sheriff's Department... and meanwhile most of the evidence that was supposed to have been passed on to the Sheriff's Department hadn't been. You know, like my 25+ page statement, copies of things the ex-boss had written incriminating herself, etc. Luckily, I was able to provide these things to the detective. Definitely food for thought. I also have a feeling from the questions (and the evidence I was shown) that the treasurer on the Board is under investigation... as she signed two large checks, one to the ex-boss and one to the ex-boss's husband, and can't provide a decent explanation as to what those checks were for. In the treasurer's defense, I don't think she's all that bright, and she probably believed whatever BS the ex-boss told her as to why the check needed to be signed.

After leaving the Sheriff's department, I had an appointment at the V business, where one of the Board members works. I asked him if he'd heard about the murder, and he said he had only learned of it two days ago. I asked him why the Board had talked at their meetings about having so much evidence against the ex-boss, and yet the Sheriff's department hadn't received much of anything. He seemed very surprised, and told me that they have boxes of stuff (including my statement and things I'd emailed them that the ex-boss had written) and that as far as he knew, the Board President had given these things to the Sheriff's Department. I believe that he believes these things were turned over... but to me it's looking like several of the board members (and their damned “consultant”) are trying to cover their asses.

Just stopped by the ex-job to chat. One of my former coworkers, who works at the ex-job full time and at a local grocery store full time saw the ex-boyfriend in said grocery store on Friday. As in three days ago. I don't suppose it can count as perjury if you submit a note to the judge in lieu of testifying under oath? Although who among us is surprised that his mommy, ye olde psychotic ex boss, lied to the judge about his whereabouts.

I had my hearing for a restraining order, and it was both anticlimactic and annoying. I went to the Magistrate Court on Monday (the first day it was open following the events depicted in the previous post) to get a restraining order. I filed the application, and had a hearing scheduled for really early today. The ex-boyfriend did not show up. I explained in detail everything that had happened, from the day I kicked him out through the events the other evening.

Then the judge told me that the ex-boyfriend's mother, the oh-so-honest-and-reliable ex-boss sent a letter to the court, telling them that the ex-boyfriend had left the state and "would not be back for a long time, if ever" - I explained to the judge that his mother was under investigation for theft and embezzlement, was known to lie, and had made threatening statements against me, but that was discounted. I was told that since his mother said he was no longer in the state, they would hold the case in a certain open status for 180 days... basically making it so that if he showed up and/or bothered me during that time frame, they would re-consider issuing the restraining order.

Now, I went home and immediately googled the type of open status that I was told the case was placed in. (If you're my facebook friend, you've seen the term that was used.) Apparently this is not a real legal term. I am not even using it here because if you google the two word term in quotes, you only get TWO pages of results... only ONE result has anything to do with the law... and it is a link to my local county's Magistrate Court website!

I was feeling OK about the whole thing when I left, thinking they'll keep it open, so if he bothers me again I can get a restraining order.... although I was annoyed that I have to wait for him to leap out of my bushes at me AGAIN in order for this to happen. But the more I think about it, the more it just pisses me off. I came in and was placed under oath, and yet the ex-boss wasn't placed under oath or even there, and they took her word that he is no longer in the state! Must be nice to have mommy write you a note to get you out of trouble. And then I find out that the alleged legal status of my case isn't a real legal status, it's just something that exists in my weird, uneducated, southern county. I really feel like cussing a lot right now.

Late yesterday afternoon, I had been cleaning my house, and I’d left my phone on my bed, unattended for quite some time. At some point I picked it up, and it was filled with all these voicemails and texts from the ex, all saying “Please call me or I’ll just have to go over there and see you.” Now, I’d been rather attached to my phone number – mainly because I’d had nice business cards made up for the non-profit my mom and I are working on which had that number printed on them – but at this point I just said, ‘fuck it, I can’t take this any more, I’m getting a new phone number.’ I went over to my mom’s to go online and do just that, and I hung out there for a while and didn’t get home until around 10:30pm.

I’d been thinking that there was a good chance the ex might be there waiting for me when I got home, so I’d intended to scour all the nearby driveways and such pretty closely before getting out of my car. However, as I pulled up, there was a car approaching from the opposite direction, driving very slowly. All my attention was focused on that car, because it seemed very much like it was driving slowly to get a good look at who I was. Turns out I was right about that part at least – it was the cop who has my block as his beat. Relieved that it was just a cop and not the psycho ex, I pulled into my driveway, turned off the ignition and began getting my stuff together.

That was when I noticed the ex’s car parked in the back of the neighbor’s driveway, and the ex himself running up to my window. I immediately turned the car back on, and told him through the window to go away and leave me alone. He pulled out a piece of paper, and asked me to take it, saying he’d leave if I just took the note he’d written me. I should’ve known that was a ploy, but at one point I’d actually liked and cared about this guy, and part of me still wanted to think that there’s some facet of the good/nice person I’d thought he was inside there somewhere. Hah. Won’t be making that mistake again.

I’d rolled the window down a couple of inches, and he immediately grabbed hold of the window frame and began begging me to take him back. I started to try and drive away, but he wouldn’t let go, and said I’d just have to drag him or that he would hop on the hood of my car. I told him I was going to call the police and took out my phone and began to dial 911. At that point he started freaking out, shouting “Why would you do this to me? You’re just trying to ruin my life.” and then he reached his arm in and tried to wrestle the phone away from me. Luckily, the window wasn’t open far enough for him to do that successfully, although he did end up slamming the side of his arm into my face in the process, which hurt, but not badly or anything.

As soon as he heard “…County 911, What is your emergency?” he literally ran for his car and tore out of there. The cop was there within two minutes (having driven past my house half a minute or so before all this began, he wasn’t very far away), and took my statement, and advised me to get a restraining order on Monday. He said that given everything that had happened that night, I shouldn’t have any trouble getting a restraining order. He said that this way if the ex shows up, even if he doesn’t do anything threatening to me, he would be in violation of the order, which would cause him to get arrested. The ex’s car is pretty distinctive, so he said he’d keep an eye out for it, and would definitely make sure they got him out of there if he showed up.

Also, when I told the cop the ex’s name, he repeated the last name like he was trying to place it. So I said, “His mother is the former boss of the ex-job.” To which he said, “Oh. Yeah. She’s a loon.” (And that’s a direct quote!)

But you want to know the scariest part of the whole thing? I’d been in my car the whole time I was talking to the cop. When he was getting ready to leave, he said he’d stick around until I got in my house. At that point I noticed that my front porch light was off. Sometimes I do forget to turn it on when I leave, but that usually happens when I leave my house in the daytime and come home at night. I rarely leave after dark without putting on the light, although it has happened. My first thought was, ‘this *would* be the night I forget to turn on my porch light.’ However, it was only after I’d been inside for a good half hour, with the cops long gone, that I remembered that the front porch light was off and went to go turn it on. Except that it WAS turned on. The asshole had unscrewed the lightbulb to make the front porch dark.

So apparently when I don't answer my phone or reply to texts, the next logical thing for the ex to do is to show up on my front door step. Same old same old "Please take me back" and "I gave up everything for you, the least you can do is give me one more chance" bullshit. One new tidbit y'all might find interesting.... he admitted that he had lied when he left the voice mail and the text saying that he had cut himself, and said that the follow up messages about the hospital, and the bandage he'd been wearing on his arm were just because I'd sent the cops out to his house and he thought he had to prove that he really had tried to kill himself. That is even more psycho than texting your ex mid-suicide. Blech.

So as y’all know, I’d been in contact with my ex. This was in part because I do think that being in touch with some of my exes actually helped me to get over them. Your exes treat you differently when they’re your ex, and has at least helped *me* put things into perspective in the past. Meanwhile, it was obviously not helping the ex, since he continued with his begging/pleading/crying routine every time we spoke. He also continued calling me all the time, and then started showing up at my house.

Slight interlude: Something I hate more than anything else is people who call and call and call. I have run across several of folks like this in my life, and I just don’t get it. If I call a friend and they don’t answer, I leave a message. If I don’t hear back within a certain amount of time (which, depending on how well I know the person and how urgent it is… but this time can range from a day to as week) I will call back and either talk to them or leave another message. And unless it’s a close family member or someone that I’m worried might’ve had an accident or something, that’s it. At that point, I stop calling. Then there are people who call over and over and over. If I don’t answer, it’s because I can’t talk to you, or because I don’t want to talk to you. This should be obvious! Now, I have a bit of a phone phobia to begin with, and to be honest, this whole calling over and over and over thing really freaks me out, even when it is done by someone annoying but innocuous. When it’s the crazy ex, it’s really disturbing.

Yesterday I was in class from early morning to mid afternoon. He knew that it was my first day of class. I had my phone set to vibrate (luckily, my vibrate setting is incredibly quiet – I can’t hear is at all when it’s in my pocket) – and he called and texted me over and over non-stop all day! The initial message was something like, “Please call me back, I have something really important to ask you.” Each successive message got crazier and crazier, ie “Please call me back. Why are you doing this to me? Please stop ignoring me. I just need to ask you something.” When I finally got out of my last class and went home, I was so pissed off, that I decided this was it – I was going to do like so many of you have advised and just cut off contact with him completely. So when he called again, I answered, chewed him out for calling me all day, and informed him that I wasn’t going to continue communicating with him, and told him that if he continued to call/text/visit I would get a restraining order against him. I then hung up and sent him a text message saying the same thing. This way if I do have to get a RO, there will be proof that I have indeed told him to stop doing these things.

And then I stopped responding. He called over and over and over and texted over and over and over…. Finally, when my phone hadn’t rung in about 30 minutes, I thought I would at least go through and delete his obnoxious texts and voicemails, so that I wouldn’t have to deal with them when I received texts/vms from people that I actually want to hear from. Well, his messages were all “I’m going to kill myself if you don’t talk to me” and finally one (both a text and a vm) that said “I’ve cut myself and am bleeding all over the place. I hope you’re happy.” To be honest, I didn’t care at all… except that knowing his mother and her crazy obsession with cockamamie lawsuits, I figured if he really did die, and she discovered that he’d messaged me in the process, she would try and sue me. So, I called 911.

I made sure the dispatcher knew that he was my ex, and had been threatening to kill himself as a means of getting me to call him. I told her I had no idea if he’d actually done anything or if he was just trying to get me to call him. She sent both the police and EMS. (I have to admit that the thought of having the police show up at the ex-boss’s house thoroughly amuses me. Also, why have they not yet arrested her? Grrrrr.)

Anyway, later in the evening (and this morning, too) I received several texts and vms from him. “I’m in the hospital.” “I just got out of the hospital” “I’m so sorry” “I’m not mad at you for sending the police to my house” “Please call me” “Please call me” “Please call me” Blah. Needless to say, I did not answer, and I am not going to do so.

I didn't hear from the now EX-boyfriend at all yesterday. Two phone calls and one text so far today. I'm not replying.

So here's the story you've been waiting for. I'm telling you, the previous post is more interesting! I decided to kick the now EX boyfriend out as soon as I got home from taking my last final exam yesterday. I literally told him the instant I came in the front door. Something that had never occurred to me before (mainly because he was usually drinking) was that every time I had tried to dump him before, he had been drunk. This was the first time I ever tried when he was stone cold sober. He went through the same routine that he had done the previous times (crying, begging, wanting to know what he had done wrong, promising to change, etc, etc) although I think since he was sober, what *I* was saying ("I don't love you and I want you to move out") actually got through to him somewhat. After about an hour of repeating myself over and over, he finally started packing. He also called his mom. You know, the psychotic ex-boss, to ask if her husband (his step-dad) could come and help him transport his ridiculous $1000 TV (you know, the one he bought with the one bit of money he earned this summer instead of helping me pay my bills). I was actually the most worried that the ex-boss would show up, but only her husband came. They loaded everything up and were gone. He did try a couple more times to get me to let him stay, and even tried to get me to agree to being separated but still dating (to which I said no). All in all, it seemed pretty easy, which really surprised me, considering how he had always just not listened to me and wore me down with hours of arguing before. That was when I realized that he had always been drunk before and this time he wasn't. What a difference that made!

Anyway, even though he did give me his keys back before he left, I went ahead and had the locks changed (who knows - he might've made himself a copy, or his psycho mom might have made herself a copy one day when he was passed out drunk at her house), so now I have all new locks.

Last night around 8pm he began calling me. He literally dialed my number over and over for an hour and a half, and left me a total of 8 messages, all begging me to call him and talk to him and all telling me how depressed he was. I did not call him back. His last message was that he would stop calling me, but if I had any morality in me at all, I would at least call him back the next day. Being moral-free is fine with me, apparently, because I did not call him, and don't intend to do so.

A couple of weeks ago, I made up my mind that as soon as finals were over, I was going to kick the boyfriend out. Not that I wouldn’t love for him to go NOW, but I know that kicking him out will cause a really big, stressful scene, and I’d rather not have that at the end of the semester when I’m trying to get all my projects turned in and study for finals and such. I ended up trying to get him out before my self-imposed deadline, and it was disastrous.

The other day was horrible. It was a Thursday. I had C class that night, and the first part of my P class final exam the following morning. That afternoon I had a severely upset stomach. In between bouts in the bathroom, I spent the afternoon curled up in bed with one of my pets, feeling physically miserable and not studying.

Now, the boyfriend does not like having pets in the bed. Now, while I’ve had pets in my bed all of my life, I know and understand that this is not something that everybody does. The boyfriend is one of those people who is opposed to pets in the bed. So, I keep the pets out of the bed when he’s in it, and when I’m in the bed alone, I keep the pets on my side. I think that’s a pretty fair compromise.

Anyway, so there I was in bed, having really painful stomach cramps, holding the feline and trying not to cry. The boyfriend knew I was sick. He also knows that my pets are very important to me. Anyway, he came into the bedroom and ordered (!) me to get the animal out of the bed, and I told him no. He stormed out of the bedroom and slammed the door behind him. I fell asleep, holding my pet.

I woke up and had to leave to go to C class. He was sitting on the couch, drinking and playing video games. I was not feeling particularly friendly, but I said, “I’m going to C class” to which he replied, “I don’t care what you do.” I just picked up my things and walked out. I didn’t want to have a fight right before going to C class for my final review.

I came home from C class, and he was still drinking and still playing video games. I didn’t say anything, just microwaved something for dinner, and went into my study room to study for part 1 of my P exam. He cranked the volume up on the TV *and* put on headphones and began shouting the lyrics to bad rap songs. I couldn’t study at all because of the noise, but didn’t want to go out in the living room, so I just stayed locked inside the study room. Eventually he decided to go and buy more beer. Joy. As soon as he left, I locked the screen door and took my stuff into the bedroom and locked myself in. Of course, the “lock” on the screen door was easy for him to pry open and he was very angry when he came in… especially when he found that I’d locked myself inside the bedroom.

I could hear him out in the living room cussing and banging stuff around, and finally he said, “Are you going to come out here and talk to me, or are you going to stay in there and be an asshole?” Now that I think about this, remembering what a friend who’s been through a similar situation told me, that was probably the specific kind of statement to get me to come out of the bedroom… it really pissed me off. *I* was the asshole? Seriously? So I went storming out. I was so furious I was crying and shaking and shouting. He was going on and on about how he had only ever asked me for one thing, no pets in the bed, and how he just bends over backwards for me, and I just walk all over him, and won’t even do this one little thing, blah, blah, blah. I pointed out that he had been walking all over me for months, that he constantly tells me what to do and how to live and never does anything to support us financially, and all he does is drink and play video games, etc, etc. And then I told him (for the umpteenth time) that I didn’t love him and wanted him to move out, that I wanted to be single, to live alone, and to be able to have my animals in the bed whenever I wanted.

Of course, as soon as I brought kicking him out into the mix, he immediately changed his tune: he loved me so much, I was the best thing that ever happened to him, he couldn’t live without me, he would do anything to make me happy, blah, blah. I countered all of that with nice logical arguments for the longest time, sticking firm to my, “I don’t love you and I want you to move out mantra.” But he just kept at me and at me over and over and over… and it was getting later and later, and I knew I had part 1 of my P final at 8am the following morning, and meanwhile, I was hysterical, had a splitting headache and had not studied any. Finally I decided that I needed to go to bed, or else my P grade would suffer even more, so I just went to bed. He followed me to bed, but I made it clear that I was going to sleep and that there wasn’t going to be any cuddling or screwing around.

I had to take two Excedrin for my headache, and of course, Excedrin contains caffeine… so it took me FOREVER to fall asleep. Meanwhile, the boyfriend was out like a light within minutes. I finally fell asleep, but had to get up a handful of hours later to go take part one of the P exam. I thought I totally bombed it, considering how exhausted I was and how I hadn’t studied, although I got my grade back on it and it turns out I did pretty well. No idea how!

I decided that if the boyfriend wanted to pretend that nothing had happened, I would go along with that until after my last exam (part 2 of the P final, which is Wednesday at 8am), and then try again. The problem is that I don’t think he will go, no matter what I say.

I do not understand this behavior at all. I have been in two relationships in my life where I truly believed I was in love (maybe *I* was, the dude in each instance wasn’t, apparently). Both times when I was dumped, I was miserable. Hysterical. But I was miserable and hysterical because I knew it was over. If a guy tells me, “I don’t love you, I love X person,” or even a simple, “I’m sorry, I just don’t love you,” as painful as that is to hear, as soon as I have heard these things, I have accepted that the relationship is over. Both times this has happened to me I still had feelings for the guys involved, it wasn’t like I could just stop loving them… but I certainly didn’t just keep throwing myself at them, refusing to leave.

Anyway, I know from experience what will happen when I tell him to get out. I know because we’ve been over it and over it. My mom tells me, “Why don’t you tell him this or that or the other?” except that I have told him this, that *and* the other and he hasn’t left.

The only way (in this state, anyway) to get someone out of a property you own is to go to the Magistrate’s Court and file a notice of eviction. (We learned this when a guy my mom had been paying to work on one of her properties began squatting there and wouldn’t leave.) I think that the only way I can get him out is to first tell him that I want him to leave, and that if he doesn’t go voluntarily, *I* will leave, then file an eviction notice and get a restraining order… Then, if he doesn’t go voluntarily, actually leave and file the orders.

Sounds like a great plan… except there are two problems: Where do I go? and What do I do with my animals? These two problems are inextricably linked, since if I had no animals, I could go anywhere. Additionally, I have numerous things scheduled in the area over the upcoming that are very important, which I *must* do. As such, I can’t go too far from the city where I live. He knows where my mom lives and where her other two properties are, so it’s not like those would be secret locations. Plus, I have 16 animals at the house; 12 feline and 4 canine. One of the canines could stay with my mom. I could put the injured feline that is in my bathroom in my mom’s spare bathroom. Unfortunately, since my mother has something like 19 felines and 6 canines at her house, that’s as many as she could take. The others would either have to go with me or be left behind. I don’t think the boyfriend would do anything to the animals, although I know he wouldn’t feed them or clean up after them. Also, there are 3 in particular (one feline and two small canines) that I would be really concerned about leaving there without me to take care of them.

So that leaves me with the thought that I could go *somewhere* with the two small canines and the one feline, and get my mom to go over to the house to feed and clean the remaining critters. I literally couldn’t take the 3 animals to her house, as there really isn’t room for them, so that rules out her house. I don’t know that many people in the area, and none who could accept me and the 3 critters.

I had thought about campingat a nearby state park, which has electric hookups, showers and allows pets. I could stay in mom's van, plug in a space heater, and be fine, but it's $23 a day and I am poor. So then I thought that perhaps I could crate up the three beasts somehow and lock them in her office, and sleep over there, even though that would be very difficult and not a secret location… but…

So that’s where I am now. I’m back to thinking seriously about camping in my mom’s van with 2-3 canines and a feline. Suggestions?

And now for a general update into the life of Anonymity.

Boyfriend:
I have essentially been living alone for the past three months or so while the Boyfriend is out of state, working and taking care of various court cases. (Yeah, he’s a stellar catch.) It’s been wonderful, really… because you know me, I like to avoid issues, and this has been one fantastic period of avoidance. Well, he called last night to say that he was going to be home for Thanksgiving, and would probably be home a full month. Then he’ll have to go back out of state because his court case got a continuance until late next month. It was one thing to have him down for the weekend… but a whole month… I feel a tension headache starting already. I suspect the time for avoidance will soon be over, and the time for confrontation will be here. Yuck. I was really hoping he’d meet someone up there who loved him and who wanted nothing more than to get shit-faced drunk with him every night, get married, and bear his children. No such luck.

Ex-job:
They had an opening for someone in the position my friend used to hold… and they hired someone with no experience instead of hiring her back. I don’t know what the deal is with that, but it infuriates me, because she is an excellent worker who knows damn good and well what needs to be done and how to do it. And it’s not like she was demanding high wages; she’s unemployed and would love to have a minimum wage job right about now. Meanwhile, one of the board members submitted his resignation, citing health reasons (several of the board members are rather old and do have rather poor health, and I am sure all the recent stress hasn’t been good for them). So… I contacted several board members and suggested my mother, who is more than qualified to be on the board; don’t know if they’ll accept her or not. I hope so, because while they all mean well, none of them seem to have any clue (which is, of course, how the ex-boss was able to get away with so much shit for so long).

The boyfriend was here this weekend. No, I didn’t kick him out. I have to admit, we actually had a good time.

Four years ago I was in a long distance relationship with a guy that I totally fell for… I wonder if I would have viewed him differently if I’d lived with him or if we’d even lived in the same city. As it was, I was only able to see him once a month, usually for a 3 day weekend, and we always had a great time. Having the current boyfriend working out of state and only popping home for a long weekend is quite pleasant. Sadly, I suspect that won’t last. He does intend to come back here for good at some point. Bah.

The boyfriend’s brother lives with their mom, my ex-boss. I’ve always gotten along well with the brother. He’s the sort of guy who is fun to hang out with, but whom one should never, ever date. (He has at least 3 girlfriends that I know about, none of whom know about each other!) Anyway, I only ever hang out with the boyfriend’s brother when the boyfriend is around, so I haven’t seen him since all this drama with their mom started.

This weekend, not only did the boyfriend drive down to see me, but one of his brother’s girlfriends drove in from out of state to see him. This girlfriend knows (but according to her, doesn’t really like) the ex-boss’s daughter, sister to the boyfriend and his brother – you know, the one who keeps telling people she wants to kill my pets and put me in the hospital, among other psychotic things.

Anyway, I had to work late on Saturday (the schools were putting on a weekend event for the kids at the local community college), and as I was leaving (around 9pm) the boyfriend called to ask if it was OK for his brother and brother’s girlfriend to come over for the evening. I said that as long as he wasn’t crazy and talking about killing me like the rest of his relatives, that wouldn’t be a problem.

The first thing the brother said when he saw me was, “It’s good to see you, Anonymity. I’m staying out of that drama between you and my mom though.” I told him I had no drama, it was all in her head… and he said that all he had heard for the past three weeks was her bitching about me, and that he was just sick of hearing it. (Gee, does she obsess much?)

I apologized to the brother and his girlfriend for not having much in the way of food/drinks at the house, but that I hadn’t learned they were coming over until I was on my way home from work. To this, the girlfriend asked, “You were at the Non-Profit this late?” (instead of “non-profit” she actually said the name of my ex-job) I explained where I actually work and what I was doing, and she said, “Well you work at the Non-Profit, too, right?” To which I told her that no, I hadn’t worked there since August. She was really, really surprised by this, and said that all the ex-boss’s daughter had talked about for the past two or three weeks was how *I* had gotten them fired from the Non-Profit so that I could take it over! Apparently the ex-boss’s daughter, and I guess the ex-boss as well, believe that I not only work there, but that I am the new Director!

My response to this was “Wow, they really are crazy.” The girlfriend heartily agreed.

(Additionally, I’d heard the ex-boss and her daughter bitch for months about this particular girlfriend, about what a terrible person she was, and about how their son/brother could do so much better... Meanwhile, I liked her a lot, and felt rather bad that she was so in love with someone who was treating her so very badly.)

The boyfriend is coming home tonight. Supposedly just for the weekend, although usually when he says that, it ends up being at least a month. Although he has another out of state court date for mid-November (he rear-ended somebody while he was up there for this last court date), so he'll have to head back up there for that, and then work up there to pay off his fine. I wish I could say that I was excited to know that he was coming, but I'm feeling pretty indifferent.

Recently, the Boyfriend has started acting really paranoid. He’s in another state right now, working. He left about two weeks or so ago. Recently he’s been acting like he’s really worried that I’m lying to him about where I am and what I’m doing: asking me where I am, where I’ve been, was I there the whole time, did I really just get home or was I somewhere else, etc. Now I was getting really pissed off about this, because the situation with him is already pretty crap, and that just makes it even more annoying. BUT: I was talking to a former coworker yesterday. This coworker still works at my ex-job, and for practical purposes I’ll call him the Spy. The Spy still talks to the ex-boss. The ex-boss told the Spy that I am often on facebook when I am supposed to be in class, and that she made sure to tell her son (the Boyfriend) that I am lying to him about my whereabouts! Aside from the fact that she doesn’t know my class schedule (so how would she know if I’m supposed to be in class or not), each classroom at my college has wireless internet, and I have been known to go online during class. Okay, maybe checking facebook in the middle of class isn’t what I’m supposed to be doing, but I have done it from time to time. Now, I know the ex-boss is crazy. At this point, that’s a given. So I ask myself, does she really believe that I am lying to her son about my whereabouts? Or is she just trying to break us up? If it’s the latter, then I think that’s a really, really terrible thing for a mother to do to her own son, especially since he’s had two serious girlfriends cheat on him. What a bitch!

Meanwhile, the Board of Directors is meeting tonight…. I’ll let you know what, if anything, comes of it.

If any of you reading this know who I am and HAVEN'T seen the crazy weird comments on my facebook about swine flu, you should totally go check them out right now. (The people making the comments were the ex-boss and her daughter - who is also my ex-supervisor, in addition to the fact that they are the boyfriend's mother and sister, respectively.) For those of you who either don't know who I am or don't use facebook, let's just say that Daughter stated a "fact" on my FB wall, a good friend of mine pointed out that she was wrong... and then Daughter replied by calling my friend all sorts of obscenities, and was then backed up by her mother. Psychotic. Especially considering the level of vitriol directed against my friend and the fact that they have never, ever met. They are completely nuts.

Meanwhile...

Regarding my former place of employment... My friend, my replacement and I each submitted detailed statements today to the Board of Directors (mine was 25 typed pages long, and included photographs, pay stubs and signed statements by other employees), and they are planning on having a meeting regarding this next week. They had actually planned to meet this week to discuss it, but one of the Board members had a death in the family, so they postponed it. Basically, from what we've been told by three separate Board members, they want her gone, and they hope it can be done "quickly and painlessly" - although knowing how psychotic and vindictive the ex-boss is, I somehow doubt that it will be either quick or painless.

The boyfriend is currently out of state, working. I had been really worried about how he would react when he learned that I had submitted a statement to the Board that will probably result in his mom losing her job (although I have to admit that part of me was hoping he'd dump me), but instead he told me that he was going to stay out of it, because she was his mom, but that I had done the right thing, and that his mom probably did need to be investigated! I was floored. Probably the most mature thing he has EVER said to me. So I guess we'll see how that goes.

I'll update when I hear something more!

The boyfriend is going out of state today. He'll be gone for a couple of weeks. The main reason he is leaving is that he has a court date later this week, as a result of him getting arrested the last time he went out of state. Yeah. He's also planning on working up there for a few weeks.

Now, most of you who I've given this link to know me, and those of you who don't at least know me "virtually" through my other blog and through facebook, and perhaps you've picked up on the fact that I am VERY non-confrontational.

Changing the locks while he is gone seems incredibly bitchy. Also, since he won't be taking most of his stuff with him by a long shot, I would have to arrange for his mother (my scary ex-boss) to come and collect his things.

Thoughts?

I asked my mother about this. She seems to think it's a bad idea, and that I should just be honest with him and tell him to go... although she also knows that I *have* been honest with him and I *have* told him to leave.... Grrr.

In case you don't read comments...

...well, you should. I won't always take the time (or have the time) to do this. But, as recent updates have appeared in the comment section of the previous post, and as I know not everyone takes the time to read the comment sections... here you go:

Anonymous said...
Wait, correct me if I understood this wrong, but didn't said friend get fired? And isn't your ex-boss also now your friend's ex-boss? And in that case why is she sending angry, screamy text messages to someone who no longer has anything to do with her? I suppose the answer to that could be as simple as "because she's a psycho," but I mean I find that to be REALLY psycho and almost more plausible that I'm misunderstanding the situation... Ruv, your ronery friend
September 18, 2009 8:41 AM

anonymity said...
Hi ronery friend :)Nope, you totally understand the situation correctly - she is now the friend's ex-boss and is nonetheless sending screamy texts which have since escalated into threatening (as in saying things like, "You don't want this to get ugly") - anyway, friend and I have shown all our text messages to the board of directors, who seem to be considering firing her. Finally! Also, the vice president of the board asked me if I would be willing to come back and work part time if the ex-boss were fired.
September 18, 2009 4:24 PM

Anonymous said...
Well that's good news that tbe BOD is taking it seriously. Maybe they will give you her job! Sounds like a real psycho so watch your back!And I am glad that the BF told the ex-boss, his mom, to leave you alone and she is complying. But as for him earning points and things in that area looking up - does it really matter if he earns points if you don't love him and when he drinks don't even like him? The problem with an alcoholic is not that they drink, but who they become when they do, and that they can't stop and their promises mean othing, and they are not dependable, and all of their promises and words mean nothing because the alcohol ALWAYS wins! THey don't want it to, but it does. Because that's the disease. Just like a diabetic could promise you that they will control their sugar levels and then be completely helpless to do so.
September 19, 2009 2:25 PM

Anonymous said...
Wow, that is really great news that the board at least seems to be made of sane people. Props to you and your friend, and to the board! ~ronery
September 20, 2009 2:11 PM

anonymity said...
Anonymous - ugh, I know. Things have, for the most part, been really good between us recently, although I know it won't last. Also, this is the last time I ever live with anyone... because it's so much trouble trying to get them the hell out!Ronery - The board is made of sane people, although I'm not entirely sure how competent they are. I'm pretty sure most of them got on the board (they got a new BOD in March) so they could tell people they were on the board, not so they could do much. They've received plenty of information from employees and complaints from the public over the past 6 months, that you'd think they would've done something by now. There have been several times we've all thought "This is it, they'll have to fire her now" and then they don't... so I don't know. I would like to think something will happen now, but I'll believe it when I see it!
September 21, 2009 6:14 AM

Anonymous said...
I also hope everything goes well with the board. The whole non-disclosure agreement thing bugs me. I don't know anything about the law, but I can't imagine a NDA covers illegal activity. It also seems that an organization which operates almost entirely on public funds should go out of its way to be transparent. Pollyanish thought, I know.
September 21, 2009 7:01 AM

anonymity said...
Legally, it doesn't cover keeping one's mouth shut about illegal activity (whistle-blowers are protected!) although she likes to tell people that it covers EVERYTHING, and tells people that saying anything to anyone can result in arrest. Plus, the people who still work there really can't afford to lose their jobs, so either way, they wouldn't say anything. Another creepy thing, the director tried to tell us that signing the NDA also meant that we were not allowed to talk to the board! What BS.
September 21, 2009 7:57 AM

If you are reading this and know who I am, please do NOT use my name in any comments you may leave. I wish to remain anonymous. I just feel the need to get this out there and maybe get some advice.

I’m living with an alcoholic, whom I do not love and for whom active feelings of dislike are starting to fester. In the past I’d wondered why people I knew stayed in relationships with people who were alcoholics or who were abusive or who they really just didn’t mesh with. I didn’t understand why they didn’t just end things. Now that it’s happening to me, I guess I understand it a little more. Or I understand that perhaps “understanding” why people behave the way they do in these situations is impossible. I’ve gotten angry and tried to kick him out, and I’ve gotten upset and told him to leave, and I’ve been calm and rational and told him that I don’t love him and would like him to go. And every time he somehow manages to talk me into letting him stay, into giving him one more chance. Manipulative, that’s what he is. I am sick of him promising that it’s the last time he’s going to get drunk and be an asshole. I need to get him out of my house and out of my life and yet every time I am 100% sure that I am going to do it, he talks me out of it.

Wednesday he sent me a text message (!) saying that we needed to talk later that night, because he loved me so much but felt that I didn’t love him. I figured this was finally it – I’d tell him that I didn’t love him, and he would leave. But then we talked. I told him that he was right; I didn’t love him. I told him that when he drank, I didn’t even *like* him. He cried. He begged me to let him stay, to just try and make things work. He promised he would do whatever it took to keep me in his life. And I caved. Then last night, I came home from class to find him completely hammered and reeking of alcohol. At least he recognized that what he had done was a problem (previous times he hadn’t), and admitted that he was drunk (previous times he hadn’t). He said he was sorry, he couldn’t help it, but that he had been drinking and had gotten drunk. He said that he knew he had a drinking problem and wanted to quit, and promised that this would be the last time he would ever drink anything alcoholic... After he finished the 40oz he had just cracked open. Yeah. I argued with him, saying that if he meant it, he would throw the 40oz out then and there, and he refused... although he kept insisting that this was the last time, and that I would never see him drinking anything ever again, if I would please give him just one more chance. When I pointed out that he had made this exact same promise to me *several* times within the past two months, his response was, “but this time I really mean it.” There’s no point in arguing with someone when he/she is drunk before I tried kicking him out again. I figured I’d wait until I got home this evening... I want him gone. I want my house back, I want my life back, but I just can’t seem to stand my ground and get him out of there. I’m completely set to do it until he starts working on me, and then no matter what I want, no matter what my mind is screaming at me to say, to do, I end up saying and doing the opposite. And I don’t understand my behavior at all. All I know is that I am miserable.

Honestly, if my mother hadn’t just paid for a semester’s worth of classes for me, I think I would just pack up and leave the country in the middle of the night. As it is, I carry my passport with me everywhere I go, in case one day I simply cannot take it any more.

Oh, and just to complicate matters: His mother used to be my boss. That was rather stressful because I couldn’t bitch about my boyfriend at work, nor could I bitch about my job while at home. Not to mention that she is crazy and incompetent, and most likely quite dishonest. Anyway, a month ago, I quit working to go back to school full time. But the work that my boyfriend promised he had didn’t materialize, and the only school related job that I could get gives me about 8 hours a week at minimum wage. Anyway, dude’s mom calls me today to tell me that she had to fire my replacement for being incompetent (which I could’ve told her; she was NOT one of my favorites from the applicants), and could I come in a couple of days a week? So, I’m back to working at a job I hate, at a place I hate, for a boss I don’t like, who is the mother of the guy I’m trying to get to move out of my life...