The ex-boss really must be psycho. She sent my friend (whom she had fired) a very formal letter stating her intent to prosecute said friend for theft of products and services from the the organization... I can't go into details here without giving away the identity of the ex-boss and her business, but suffice it to say that I know for a fact that my friend did NOT steal either products or services. And if the ex-boss weren't crazy, she would surely know this, too.

The boyfriend is going out of state today. He'll be gone for a couple of weeks. The main reason he is leaving is that he has a court date later this week, as a result of him getting arrested the last time he went out of state. Yeah. He's also planning on working up there for a few weeks.

Now, most of you who I've given this link to know me, and those of you who don't at least know me "virtually" through my other blog and through facebook, and perhaps you've picked up on the fact that I am VERY non-confrontational.

Changing the locks while he is gone seems incredibly bitchy. Also, since he won't be taking most of his stuff with him by a long shot, I would have to arrange for his mother (my scary ex-boss) to come and collect his things.

Thoughts?

I asked my mother about this. She seems to think it's a bad idea, and that I should just be honest with him and tell him to go... although she also knows that I *have* been honest with him and I *have* told him to leave.... Grrr.

Some of you have made comments that the board of directors at my ex-job seems to be on top of things... the thing is, they've had plenty of complaints from the public, from volunteers, and from current and former employees in the past year that one would think that they would have done something by now. I mentioned in a comment a while back that as far as I can tell, most of the board seems to have joined, not out of love for the cause the organization supports, but so that they can tell friends and others in the community that they are on the board. (Of course, given the current reputation of the place, they might have to get on the ball and do something if they don't want their reputations smeared by association.) Also, the one member of the board who has spent the most time at my ex-job helping out and investigating complaints about the director... is involved in minor tax fraud. He has local businesses bill the ex-job for things instead of billing him. Then he writes a check to the ex-job to cover the bill... and can then use the canceled check to "prove" that he is donating to a non-profit, and then deducts that from his taxes! So everyone is corrupt, is that the conclusion? Sigh. Plus, I've heard that the ex-boss is planning on rehiring my original replacement...

In case you don't read comments...

...well, you should. I won't always take the time (or have the time) to do this. But, as recent updates have appeared in the comment section of the previous post, and as I know not everyone takes the time to read the comment sections... here you go:

Anonymous said...
Wait, correct me if I understood this wrong, but didn't said friend get fired? And isn't your ex-boss also now your friend's ex-boss? And in that case why is she sending angry, screamy text messages to someone who no longer has anything to do with her? I suppose the answer to that could be as simple as "because she's a psycho," but I mean I find that to be REALLY psycho and almost more plausible that I'm misunderstanding the situation... Ruv, your ronery friend
September 18, 2009 8:41 AM

anonymity said...
Hi ronery friend :)Nope, you totally understand the situation correctly - she is now the friend's ex-boss and is nonetheless sending screamy texts which have since escalated into threatening (as in saying things like, "You don't want this to get ugly") - anyway, friend and I have shown all our text messages to the board of directors, who seem to be considering firing her. Finally! Also, the vice president of the board asked me if I would be willing to come back and work part time if the ex-boss were fired.
September 18, 2009 4:24 PM

Anonymous said...
Well that's good news that tbe BOD is taking it seriously. Maybe they will give you her job! Sounds like a real psycho so watch your back!And I am glad that the BF told the ex-boss, his mom, to leave you alone and she is complying. But as for him earning points and things in that area looking up - does it really matter if he earns points if you don't love him and when he drinks don't even like him? The problem with an alcoholic is not that they drink, but who they become when they do, and that they can't stop and their promises mean othing, and they are not dependable, and all of their promises and words mean nothing because the alcohol ALWAYS wins! THey don't want it to, but it does. Because that's the disease. Just like a diabetic could promise you that they will control their sugar levels and then be completely helpless to do so.
September 19, 2009 2:25 PM

Anonymous said...
Wow, that is really great news that the board at least seems to be made of sane people. Props to you and your friend, and to the board! ~ronery
September 20, 2009 2:11 PM

anonymity said...
Anonymous - ugh, I know. Things have, for the most part, been really good between us recently, although I know it won't last. Also, this is the last time I ever live with anyone... because it's so much trouble trying to get them the hell out!Ronery - The board is made of sane people, although I'm not entirely sure how competent they are. I'm pretty sure most of them got on the board (they got a new BOD in March) so they could tell people they were on the board, not so they could do much. They've received plenty of information from employees and complaints from the public over the past 6 months, that you'd think they would've done something by now. There have been several times we've all thought "This is it, they'll have to fire her now" and then they don't... so I don't know. I would like to think something will happen now, but I'll believe it when I see it!
September 21, 2009 6:14 AM

Anonymous said...
I also hope everything goes well with the board. The whole non-disclosure agreement thing bugs me. I don't know anything about the law, but I can't imagine a NDA covers illegal activity. It also seems that an organization which operates almost entirely on public funds should go out of its way to be transparent. Pollyanish thought, I know.
September 21, 2009 7:01 AM

anonymity said...
Legally, it doesn't cover keeping one's mouth shut about illegal activity (whistle-blowers are protected!) although she likes to tell people that it covers EVERYTHING, and tells people that saying anything to anyone can result in arrest. Plus, the people who still work there really can't afford to lose their jobs, so either way, they wouldn't say anything. Another creepy thing, the director tried to tell us that signing the NDA also meant that we were not allowed to talk to the board! What BS.
September 21, 2009 7:57 AM

Oh my.

So apparently after all that nonsense last weekend, my ex-boss had a staff meeting where she told everyone that I was never allowed on the property ever again, and that she was changing all the computer passwords so I wouldn’t hack into anything! She also apparently ranted and raved a good bit about how I had “totally fucked things up” (her words, according to two former coworkers) and that the entire last month I was there I did nothing, and it would take her forever to fix the mess that I had caused. Then she made everyone sign a confidentiality agreement (she made us all do this back in March, too), and told them that it meant they couldn’t tell me anything about what goes on there, and it also meant that they couldn’t tell the members of the Board of Directors anything about what goes on there. Um… hello! It’s their job and responsibility (legal and moral) to know what goes on there.

Anyway… after she had fired my replacement, she had promoted one of my friends and former coworkers to my position. (She should have promoted said individual into that position in the first place, but of course, she wouldn’t hear of that; she was going to “hire someone with experience” – and the person SHE selected ended up being a total dingbat. But I digress. Anyway, she and her daughter (who does not work there) were bossing my friend around, and she was doing her best to do everything that she was told, even though a lot of the things she was told didn’t make sense to her or were conflicting. Now, my friend is a lot less tolerant than I am, and instead of just working in silence, she confronted the ex-boss about the conflicting demands – and got fired. (The story is actually a lot longer and more convoluted than that, but trust me, you don’t want to hear it. And I don’t want to type it.)

In the interim, my boyfriend, the ex-boss’s son, chewed her out for the way she had treated me. He also told her to never speak to me again. And she seems to be doing as he asked, and he totally earned himself some points in my book for that. Also, he’s been doing really well about not drinking and admitting that he was an alcoholic, so I don’t know. Things in that area are looking up. But this is totally off topic.

Since the ex-boss can’t direct any of her anger at me any more, she is directing all of it at my friend! I can’t write how, since that would totally give away the identity of this blog, but suffice it to say, that my friend is now receiving tons of angry, screamy text messages. As a result, we decided to forward all our texts to email and create a nice word document which shows in the ex-boss’s own words what has been going on… and we then emailed those documents to the vice president of the board of directors. Hah. Take that!

that's it; i'm done

So last night at about 9:30pm, I get yet another insane text message about how I had caused all sorts of problems and was therefore never allowed to edit their website ever again... (Let's not get into the fact that I was the only person associated with the place who knew how to edit it or anything...) But of course, the text came in while I was deeply enmeshed in my studies and totally threw me off my game AGAIN. At that point I decided that was it. I am done with that place. I feel bad that I cannot continue to help out the others there whom I like, but I cannot have that stress - there's too much other stress in my life, between hard classes and the boyfriend!

update on below post

Apology on facebook from the somewhat ex boss. Now that my entire morning and my state of calm have been wrecked.

the somewhat ex-job

So, the somewhat ex-boss (the boyfriend's mom) is completely insane and a compulsive liar. This I've known for a while. It was part of the reason I stopped working there in the first place. There was a Thing That Happened Recently pertaining to the organization the somewhat ex-boss directs and its relationship with the local government. It is public knowledge, and the county government ran a story on it in the local paper. Anyway, Boss had wanted me to come back and help out, because my replacement was a total idiot and essentially did nothing in the entire month she worked there. One of the things the replacement didn't do was update the website. So, I updated it. And I included news of The Thing That Happened Recently. I woke up this morning to discover FIVE text messages about how it had to be taken off the website immediately because it was a secret and no one could know. The boyfriend had received several similar messages telling him to make sure I did it ASAP. A coworker had received a phone call screaming about why had I put that on the website. All of us responded that it was public knowledge and had been in the paper already. This lead to a multi-text message diatribe on how her org is not allowed to ever publish anything without prior approval of both city and county governments and if she violates this she could get shut down (which is not true, because if that were the case, they wouldn't be allowed to have a website/myspace/facebook/etc or to frequently run stories in the local paper!). She also claimed that the person who had the paper run the story did it on his own, without consulting her or the local government, which isn't true, because local government people were interviewed for the story. But I figured, whatever, I'd just take the info off the website. Which I did. And it updated immediately. Told her such. Received four more angry text messages an hour later demanding to know why I had told her that the website was updated, when I hadn't updated it. Told her to refresh her browser. More screamy texts about why haven't I updated it, she's looking at it on 2 cell phones and 3 computers and it is still there, why am I lying to her? I check my computer, then my mom's... nope, definitely been updated. I tell her this, and she insists that I have done something wrong and that "it's just on my wireless network, not the internet." Huh?? Half an hour later, she sends me a text that she finally can see the update. No apology. Probably believes I hadn't done it until after she screamed at me. Supposed to be studying for two major tests coming up, but right now am feeling too stressed and panicky to think straight.

If you are reading this and know who I am, please do NOT use my name in any comments you may leave. I wish to remain anonymous. I just feel the need to get this out there and maybe get some advice.

I’m living with an alcoholic, whom I do not love and for whom active feelings of dislike are starting to fester. In the past I’d wondered why people I knew stayed in relationships with people who were alcoholics or who were abusive or who they really just didn’t mesh with. I didn’t understand why they didn’t just end things. Now that it’s happening to me, I guess I understand it a little more. Or I understand that perhaps “understanding” why people behave the way they do in these situations is impossible. I’ve gotten angry and tried to kick him out, and I’ve gotten upset and told him to leave, and I’ve been calm and rational and told him that I don’t love him and would like him to go. And every time he somehow manages to talk me into letting him stay, into giving him one more chance. Manipulative, that’s what he is. I am sick of him promising that it’s the last time he’s going to get drunk and be an asshole. I need to get him out of my house and out of my life and yet every time I am 100% sure that I am going to do it, he talks me out of it.

Wednesday he sent me a text message (!) saying that we needed to talk later that night, because he loved me so much but felt that I didn’t love him. I figured this was finally it – I’d tell him that I didn’t love him, and he would leave. But then we talked. I told him that he was right; I didn’t love him. I told him that when he drank, I didn’t even *like* him. He cried. He begged me to let him stay, to just try and make things work. He promised he would do whatever it took to keep me in his life. And I caved. Then last night, I came home from class to find him completely hammered and reeking of alcohol. At least he recognized that what he had done was a problem (previous times he hadn’t), and admitted that he was drunk (previous times he hadn’t). He said he was sorry, he couldn’t help it, but that he had been drinking and had gotten drunk. He said that he knew he had a drinking problem and wanted to quit, and promised that this would be the last time he would ever drink anything alcoholic... After he finished the 40oz he had just cracked open. Yeah. I argued with him, saying that if he meant it, he would throw the 40oz out then and there, and he refused... although he kept insisting that this was the last time, and that I would never see him drinking anything ever again, if I would please give him just one more chance. When I pointed out that he had made this exact same promise to me *several* times within the past two months, his response was, “but this time I really mean it.” There’s no point in arguing with someone when he/she is drunk before I tried kicking him out again. I figured I’d wait until I got home this evening... I want him gone. I want my house back, I want my life back, but I just can’t seem to stand my ground and get him out of there. I’m completely set to do it until he starts working on me, and then no matter what I want, no matter what my mind is screaming at me to say, to do, I end up saying and doing the opposite. And I don’t understand my behavior at all. All I know is that I am miserable.

Honestly, if my mother hadn’t just paid for a semester’s worth of classes for me, I think I would just pack up and leave the country in the middle of the night. As it is, I carry my passport with me everywhere I go, in case one day I simply cannot take it any more.

Oh, and just to complicate matters: His mother used to be my boss. That was rather stressful because I couldn’t bitch about my boyfriend at work, nor could I bitch about my job while at home. Not to mention that she is crazy and incompetent, and most likely quite dishonest. Anyway, a month ago, I quit working to go back to school full time. But the work that my boyfriend promised he had didn’t materialize, and the only school related job that I could get gives me about 8 hours a week at minimum wage. Anyway, dude’s mom calls me today to tell me that she had to fire my replacement for being incompetent (which I could’ve told her; she was NOT one of my favorites from the applicants), and could I come in a couple of days a week? So, I’m back to working at a job I hate, at a place I hate, for a boss I don’t like, who is the mother of the guy I’m trying to get to move out of my life...