The last time that I received an email from the ex-boss was about a year ago, maybe a little more. I pretty much had a panic attack. She didn't sign it (although I immediately recognized the email address), and wasn't threatening at all, and may (although I doubt it) have been honestly inquiring about something on behalf of someone. She sent the email to both me and my mom. My heart pounded, my hands shook, and I totally freaked out. I sent a panicked email to my mom telling her who the email was from, so that if she chose to answer it she would be VERY careful with what she said. I was literally on the other side of the globe from her, and yet seemingly polite contact from that woman totally wrecked me.

Today I received an 'invitation to connect on LinkedIn' from her. My initial thought was a highly sarcastic, Oh fuck you. At least my mental health (related to this, anyway) seems to be improving. Of course, I also realize that she may have just asked LinkedIn to send invitations to everyone in her address book, and it may have not been an intentional thing. It kind of disturbs me that she may very well have discovered my LinkedIn page, meaning she would know where I work and live now - granted, I'm still on the other side of the world, but...

Meh, whatever.

Sometimes Google can be your worst enemy (sorry, M!). There are things you know you just shouldn't Google, because the results will inevitably put you in a foul mood. And yet you do it anyway.

I shouldn't Google the ex-boss, but I do so periodically. I just can't help myself. Especially when I see that she's been Googling me; it only seems fair. Not that fairness has much to do with it where she's concerned.

"All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing." <- Hah. In truth, it's more like, "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for mediocre people to worry solely about covering their own asses." Had the board members of the ex-job been more concerned about justice and less concerned about their reputations and avoiding scandal, the ex-boss would have been arrested, and she wouldn't be continuing to rake in the dough for her "charity." I personally provided clear evidence of criminal wrongdoing to the Sheriff's department - and was backed up by several witnesses. And nothing came of it. Surely the fact that the board members are prominent people in the community had nothing to do with the case being dropped, right? Sigh.

Meanwhile, the ex-boss continues to run her "charity." Now I'll admit, her charity does *some* good. A little good. Not a lot. Not the amount that she claims. I'll even admit that sometimes donations that go to her and her "charity" are actually used for the purposes that she claims. Sometimes. Of course, I've also personally heard her say things like, "We just got in a big donation! We'll be eating lobster tonight!" and I will continue to stand by my statement that this woman is a flim-flam artist.

I shouldn't Google her, I really shouldn't, because I get reminded that she is still out there scamming people - and that people still believe in her, come to her defense, and attack those who try to point out that she is not the saint she wants people to believe. It just kills me to see her out there, getting away with the same old shit.

I have trackers on all of my blogs and websites. I have one blog that I no longer use, although it is still online. I stopped blogging there because the ex-boss was visiting it multiple times a week, which really freaked me out. The old posts are still online, and the site's tracker is still running. A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that the post containing the text from the newspaper article about her termination from the ex-job was getting a ton of hits from facebook. As the tracker wouldn't lead me to the specific facebook page that had posted the links (boo), I gave in to temptation and Googled her. Surely people wouldn't be sharing a link to an article on her termination unless she were causing problems, right?

And sure enough, same old, same old. She had posted a plea for donations that essentially read "we need lots of money or else we will be forced to cause those our charity helps to suffer greatly" (sorry I can't be more specific). A lot of people were very concerned about her plea, which seemed more of an extortionist threat than a plea for help, and had apparently started Googling her. There's a good bit of information on her out there if you look, including articles on her termination from the ex-job - as quoted on my old blog. Between the extortionist wording of her "plea for help" and her record (criminal and other), various people had begun posting warnings about her, and it even got picked up by local media. I dared to think "This is it! She's finally gone too far... she will finally be exposed for what she is!"

I've kept track of this latest drama via the internet, watching silently from a distance of several continents. I shouldn't have bothered. She's won yet again.

She contacted her friend at a local paper, and had a very pro-her article written. She claimed that others changed the wording of her initial plea, and that she'd never written what was posted on a variety of sites under her name.

She has threatened legal action against those who spread "rumors" about her.

She has gotten several legitimate and well-known charities in the field to endorse her. One even ran an article on their website about how fantastic she is. It included the following gem:

Rumor: She was fired from [a charity] for stealing money. Truth: She was NOT fired, she left due to a disagreement with the president. The newspaper had a mis-print. The president reported her "stealing money from them" however upon a 6 month investigation, the outcome was that they found EVERY PENNY WITHIN THE [organization] and NO charges were pressed, and everything was dropped.

Truth: She was fired.

Truth: She did steal money from the ex-job.

Truth: None of it was recovered.

Truth: No charges were pressed, and everything was dropped.... because the board members didn't want a scandal.

But no one wants to face the truth.

And judging from her organization's facebook page, the donations are rolling in.

I'm in a hotel by the airport, and will be leaving the US tomorrow morning. Twelve days in the US and three sightings of the ex... luckily, no actual contact. It will be better, one day, when I can return without having to give him or his psycho family a single thought.

As I mentioned in my last post, I thought I saw him drive by as I was talking to someone at a construction site. It wasn't the same car he used to drive, but I was 90% certain it was him. It sure as hell looked like him anyway.

A few days later, my mom and I were leaving said construction site. Just as we pulled away, the same dark green metallic car pulled up alongside the site. Whoever was driving stopped to chat with the workers. When we drove back by about 15 minutes later, the car was gone.

Today, as we were leaving town (as in I was on my way out of town for at least the next year, heading for a hotel by the nearest airport), we drove past him. It was a T intersection, and he was waiting for the light to turn left, I was approaching to turn right. I noticed the car first. Obviously since that first encounter, I'd been paying close attention to the drivers of all small, dark green, metallic sedans. And whaddyaknow, there he was. I got a good look this time, and now have 100% confirmation - it was definitely him. Three sightings in twelve days is enough for me. Although as my mom pointed out, at least he didn't do a u-turn and follow us.

On another note, I stopped by the ex-job at one point while I was in town. I wouldn't have bothered, except that the construction site I kept having to visit was just a few blocks away from it. I figured I might as well pop in. The Spy seemed pretty pleased to see me. The rest of the bunch ranged in reactions from apathy to pretending they didn't see me. Whatever. I can't say it bothered me in the least... although boy am I glad to no longer be a part of that ongoing catastrophe.

The whole being-over-budget-yet-unfinished-new-facility nonsense that I mentioned last time I wrote about the ex-job had - according to the newspapers - been remedied. According to the staff, that wasn't true; it was just sort of half-assed remedied to get by, while the politicians and the board pat each other on the back and try to make themselves look nice again in the eyes of the community. There was a letter in today's local paper from the board, thanking the community for their kind donations, and thanking the various government agencies that had been responsible for the severe fuckups in the first place for all their kind support. What bullshit. But totally not surprising.

Additionally, while I was there, the Spy asked the current director if there was any word on whether or not the ex-boss would finally be charged with anything. Both the director and another high-up employee said something along the lines of, "Give it a rest, Spy. If nothing's happened by now, nothing's going to happen." Now, I've known ever since six months passed following the beginning of the "investigation" (compromised by lies from the "consultant" and misdirection and lack of cooperation from the board) without an arrest that nothing was going to happen. However, this is the first time anyone affiliated with the ex-job has actually come out and said so. Granted, they weren't saying this in public, but still, they said it. (According to the Spy, when the issue of the ex-boss gets brought up at board meetings, the board still sticks to the fiction that "The DA and the Sheriff's office are still investigating" - what bullshit.)

Anyway, that's all I have on that drama - thank the gods. Time for me to get some rest; I've got an early flight!

I'm (temporarily) back in the US, in the tiny ass little town where all of the events chronicled in this blog have taken place. I'm hoping that I'll be long gone by the time word gets back to the ex-boss and the ex-boyfriend that I'm in town, although chances are I'll just run into them down at the Wal-Marts as they say.

I may have actually seen the ex-boyfriend yesterday. Not sure. I was standing on the side of the road having a somewhat important conversation with someone. A car drove by, slowed down, and the driver hung his head out the window and did a visible double take. Granted, the driver may have been looking at what was behind me (a house in the process of being dismantled), but it sure seemed like he was looking at me.

It wasn't the same car the ex used to drive. It was a two-door, dark metallic green, probably about ten years old. (NPH, but if anything happens to me, look for someone driving a car fitting that description. Just saying.) The dude driving it looked a LOT like my ex. I didn't turn my head, interrupt the conversation I was having, or give any indication that I had noticed this person. This also means that I didn't get a decent look at him, and whoever it was may have just been looking at the house behind me.

Since then, there have been about eight hang-ups on my mom's phone. My mom doesn't have caller ID, so who knows who they were.

But seriously, after the day I had, I'd be more than willing to punch that son of a bitch in the face. Or shoot him. Asshole. I'm not scared any more.

oh, ex job (the more things change, the more they stay the same)

Sigh. I'm so glad I don't work there any more, and am incredibly thankful to no longer be caught up in any of their drama. That being said, it just kills me to learn that things continue to not go well out there, meaning that those the organization is supposed to help are suffering. If you know who I am and who are on facebook with me already know all of the details (and if you missed it, just hunt around the links posted recently on my profile).

Since I don't want to give away the exact nature of the organization, I'll have to be really vague with this post. They were supposed to be building a new facility. The local government agencies that fund them budgeted a pretty small amount with which to do so, but as they were supposed to be using prison labor, this small amount was expected to cut it. That being said, given how small the amount was, I could see going over budget by $5000 or even $10,000. They're currently $50,000+ over budget - and the new facility is not finished yet. Additionally, work on the place had stalled because the various government agencies that were funding the construction all decided that it was someone else's responsibility to pay for completion. Of course, the organization is using the unequipped and unfinished facility anyway, as they have nowhere else to go. Not to give too many details, but let's just say that as a result of using said unequipped, unfinished facility, severe harm has been caused to those the organization is there to help.

And this has apparently been going on for months.

I know the person who is currently the director, and while he's a nice guy who cares about the work he does, I know he was chosen by the board mainly because he's a Yes Man. When they tell him not to make waves, he doesn't make waves. I would've been raising hell had that been going on under my watch, but then again, I'm through being anybody's Yes Girl.

Although perhaps the current director was the person who slipped this morsel of information to the press. Yes, the press have gotten involved - and the story has gone national, having been picked up by the AP. And wouldn't you know it: as soon as this was appearing on websites, in newspapers, and on the evening news, the local government agencies were tripping over each other to pay for some of the most immediate needs of the facility. And of course, they continue to point the finger at each other "It's not *our* agency's fault this happened. *They* were supposed to pay for it."

And meanwhile, those the organization is there to help continue to suffer.

I haven’t posted an update on the ex-boss in ages, mainly due to the fact that I’ve had nothing whatsoever to report. As far as I can tell, this is mainly due to the fact that there have been no developments; however, the following information was just relayed to me by the Spy.

You may remember that the ex-boss “runs” her own “non-profit charity” (I use those words rather loosely, given that she’s a flim-flam artist) which is similar in nature to the ex-job from which she was fired back in September 2009. A similar – although legitimate – charity in a northern state had donated several thousand dollars to the ex-boss’s “charity” to be used for a specific purpose. The northern charity then rented a u-haul type truck, packed it full of supplies to be donated to the ex-boss’s charity, then drove all the way to the southern state in which the ex-boss and her charity are located. As the northern charity is in the process of filming a promotional documentary, they brought along video cameras.

Now, the ex-boss always described her organization as having “a state of the art facility” – although I have seen it with my own eyes, and I find it simply mind-boggling that it somehow manages to pass inspections by the overseeing state agency, as the conditions are pretty disgusting. Anyway, imagine the shock when the people from the northern charity arrived to find that the “state of the art facility” to be, in fact, the hell pit that I remember. Additionally, there were several gross violations of the organizations mandate (which I can’t elaborate on here without giving way the nature of the ex-boss’s “charity”).

Not surprisingly, the northern folks were disgusted and enraged by what they found, and used their cameras to film as much as possible. Equally not too surprising (if you know the ex-boss) was the fact that she was furious at the presence of cameras on her property. Additionally, the ex-boss refused to answer questions regarding the visible gross violations and refused to answer questions regarding the money which the northern charity had donated for a specific purpose. (Had that money been used as claimed, they would have been able to see evidence of this; they saw no signs that it had been used for the claimed specific purpose.)

While the northern folks were trying to elicit information about how their donations had been spent, this somehow triggered an argument between the ex-boss and her daughter, which devolved into a fist-fight… all of which was captured on video by the northerners!! The ex-boss (true to form) told them that if they showed the video to anyone she would “sue them for slander and libel” – hah.

The northern folks, feeling that they’d been thoroughly swindled, ran a google search and discovered that the ex-boss had been fired from the ex-job and had been accused of ripping them off for tens of thousands of dollars… and they called the ex-job’s current director to vent and compare notes. This is, of course, how the Spy got the information which he then relayed to me. God how I would love to see the video footage. And can someone please, please arrest these people already??

There are still numerous people who believe the ex-boss is a good person. This is because they don't know her very well, and because she talks a good game. I initially thought she was a great person, because I fell for her bullshit just like everyone else does. The woman is a champion bullshit artist. She runs a non-profit organization that receives a lot of money in donations... and does *some* work for its cause that is good... but most of what the donations do is fund her lifestyle. Anyway, the ex-job's current boss and Board of Directors received an email from a woman who believes the ex-boss is wonderful. I've met this person - she is someone who cares a lot for the cause... and who only has contact with the ex-boss about 4 times a year. All of the times they've had contact have obviously been positive. The letter is below. It was sent to me by the vice president of the board, with an email asking me "your thoughts on this??"

Dear [Current Boss],

I will go ahead and put something in writing to your Board of Directors and also forward the same to your attorney. Do they have open Board Meetings or are they held privately, I came past the [organization] around 6:00pm last night passing through to [city] on my way back to [another city] I had seen you already closed.

I am a [irrelevant job title] for a [irrelevant company]. Even though [city] is not my territory, I do pass through several times a year.

I would like someone to address this problem and see what can be done to help [do what the organization does]. I see this as a waste of people times when is essence you have a great group close by and are refusing to work with them, when other groups are so overloaded and can't move animals the way they can.

As you stated I have googled [ex-director’s organization] and seen only great things and fantastic accomplishments. Also as you directed I googled your former directors name and only found information from last year concerning accusations from your organization. Was there any criminal outcome or civil outcome that was not published?

I have also seen how many awards she and her organization won for [the work they do]. There were several articles written on the wonderful work they have done [in this area of work] including many from your organization with numerous quotes from this same attorney, and several board members.

I don't understand how these few articles concerning her termination over a short period of time maybe 45 days has made them so bitter toward her help. Especially as the one article states there is no evidence to support the claim and it was being investigated by your sheriffs department. It leads me to believe that they were just accusations. But that is neither her or there. I just felt the need to address this as you have stated twice she and [her organization] were criminals or so horrible that [those she claims to help] would suffer.

I do believe, no matter what, [her organization] is an organization you would want on your side, and put aside your past employment differences to benefit the [needy group] of your community.

I finally spoke to them this morning and was told, under no circumstances, will she discuss anything with her prior employment there as the only thing that suffers is the [needy group] in your care.

But your [organization having problems] was addressed and a concern for them. They did not address your organization with any foul words but spoke eloquently and professionally. They stated you [have problems]. So it seems your organization is not working in the best interest of [those you help]. I may be wrong however, this is the impression I have received. I am sorry if that seems harsh. I just think maybe people feelings got hurt and they need to overcome this.

What can I or my contacts do to help alleviate these issues? What can I say in this letter to your Board that may be able to help with this issue with [the ex-director’s organization].

Please let me know and I will get this letter voicing our concerns for these [group helped by these orgs] out as soon as possible maybe a petition will work or help? Please also let me know when your board meetings are held. Also is it correct in stating your organization is government funded? Who in the government can I write or call to address this issues with them? Is there a Mayor or a Board of Commissioners? Maybe that will help since your funding is not private and your board seems to not have the best interest of the [group they help] and are more worried about their pride.

This was my reply to the vice president of the board:

I think perhaps a public statement is in order, detailing what exactly the Sheriff's Department, local DA, etc have done in reference to the investigation into [the ex-boss], and that this is now a matter for the courts. You should consider including in the public statement both the irrefutable evidence of the financial situation [the organization] was in upon her termination, and a statement that this is not a matter of "hurt feelings" but a matter of mismanagement and criminal activity. I would suggest mentioning that while you support the [service]-related actions of [the ex-boss’s organization], the prior actions of [the ex-boss] while she was connected with [the organization] cannot be condoned.

But, of course, they didn't take my advice, and as usual, are doing nothing that might possibly bring them (and by "them" I mean the members of the board, not the organization itself) bad publicity:

We are sitting tight for the moment...waiting for the DA to do whatever he plans to do...don't want to stir up any more controversy than we have already had.

Not too much to update on the ex-boss since my last post on this topic. Anyway, word had gotten back to us (keep in mind: small town) that the ex-boss was going around telling people she got a huge settlement, that she wouldn't have to work for a year or more, and even telling some people that the settlement was for $40,000. Well, I missed the last board meeting, but apparently they stated that the workman's comp settlement was for $11,000. While on one hand, I'm glad she didn't get the $40k she's bragging about, it is still infuriating to think that after milking the place for so much money for so long, she now has $11k more. Ugh. There is no justice.

THANK YOU

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone of you who encouraged me and helped me along thought all that horrific mess that went along with the ex-boyfriend. Your advice and encouragement, both here in the comments, on facebook, and in emails, really meant a LOT to me and were definitely what I needed. THANK YOU!!

I was actually in the car the other day listening to a podcast from a week or so ago that I just hadn't had time to listen to when I started thinking about this a good deal. The podcast in question was the Diane Rehm Show's May 10th episode entitled Abusive Relationships Among Teens and Young Adults (you can listen to it here, if you're interested). As you probably gather from the title, the show focused on teens and those in their early 20s, not women in their early 30s like myself, but it had some really interesting points.

One point in particular was the use of modern technology to further enable abusers. The panelists seemed to think that we older women wouldn't really be affected by this, because we aren't as joined-at-the-hip with technology as the younger generations. I thought that while they were very much on target with how abusers use technology to control their victims, they totally missed the mark when they claimed that this was something that only affected teens and women in their early 20s!

In my case, the cell phone was used as a constant means of control and keeping track of me. When I was dating the ex, when he called, if I answered, it was fine. If I didn't reply, he would call over and over and over and over until I did. I would get furious with him over having to get out of the shower or out of bed to answer his lame ass calls, but his excuse was always, "Oh, but I was worried about you. I thought something might've happened." Of course, by the end of the relationship, he'd started in on the "Where are you? That doesn't sound like your mom's house!" kind of bullshit. After I finally kicked him out, he called me non-stop over and over and over for days, only ceasing calling in order to text. This is all detailed in previous posts, so I'm not going to repeat it here. Suffice it to say, the damn cell phone, while convenient to me in so many ways, was like a leash tethering me to that psycho. I'm glad I'm free of him.

One other thing from this episode of Diane Rehm - towards the end of the show, a woman named Amanda called in to share her story. By the end of that segment I was sobbing away as I drove down the road, because it sounded sooooo much like I went through (even down to the involvement of the fellow's mother). Sigh.

Anyway: THANK YOU ALL!!

The ex-boss had filed a workman's comp claim against the ex-job. Her suit alleged that the day before she was fired, she received an injury and is therefore due a workman's comp settlement. (I can't write details of what the injury was, but let's just say that *if* the incident occurred, it would've been her fault for going delinquent on the service that would've prevented it. And oh yeah, she'd also gone delinquent on the workman's comp insurance!!)

Anyway, the suit also alleged that she was wrongfully terminated, because the person who hired her (the "consultant" - who used to be the board's president) had guaranteed in writing that she would have X number of years of employment.

The hearing was supposed to be tomorrow. The Spy and other former coworkers were set to testify. Then yesterday, the consultant told the board's lawyer that she couldn't remember if she had given the ex-boss a guarantee in writing about the number of years she would be employed or not... (HOWEVER: guarantee or not, if you EMBEZZLE money from your job, that's an appropriate reason to get fired!!) Anyway, the Spy and ex-coworkers were set testify, when word came down that their testimony was no longer needed.

They fucking settled out of court! That BITCH is getting more money from them. WTF????? I don't know how much she's getting, but she *is* getting money. I cannot fucking believe this bullshit.

With regards to the investigation into the ex-boss, it seems that I have even less than nothing to update. While I had been infuriated to discover that the sheriff's department hadn't been given the case until January, when I spoke to the detective back in February, she made it seem like she was going to do everything in her power to bring charges against the ex-boss. And yet, nothing has happened. Unfortunately, I know how small town politics works. I know that if the truth comes to light, it'll look very bad for certain members of the board, and I know that these certain board members are “important” people in our community. While the detective seemed pretty gung-ho about bringing the truth to light, even if it looked bad for the board, I find myself wondering who *her* boss is friends with. A word in the right ear around here and she might be asked to drop the investigation. Who knows; I hope that this won't happen, but as it is now APRIL and nothing has happened, I'm seriously starting to doubt that anything will.

This is how the ex-boss keeps getting away with shit. And she'll continue to do so until somebody finally has her arrested. Oh, wait... she already got off on a murder charge, so I guess she doesn't stop even then. Sigh. I checked out her personal non-profit's website the other day; apparently her org is now allied with a large national corporation in a nearby city to fund-raise and to, well... to do what it is her org claims to do. I've seen the conditions of her org... and it's obvious that while some of her money goes to maintaining it, the bulk of the money she brings in from fund-raising does not go to her org at all. And now she's got another cash cow to milk, since the ex-job seems to have let her get away with her scam.

I hadn't heard from the psycho ex since that scary night back in January when I had to call 911. Here I was, thinking that my pseudo-temp-restraining-order was working, that he would at least leave me alone from here on out. Well, today he called my mom. My mother does not have caller ID. Even before this whole crazy-ex business, I couldn't bring myself to answer the phone at her house, because I never knew who would be on the other end. Yes, I have a phone phobia. Well, now I have yet another reason to not answer the phone at her house. She answered the phone, and there he was on the other end. He claimed to have called to wish *US* - as in me and my mom - a happy Easter. He swore to my mom that he hadn't stolen the expensive object of hers which we suspect he stole. He also said that he has been in the city where my father lives since the day after “our disagreement,” (you know, when I called the cops on him because he was hiding in my bushes after unscrewing my front porch lightbulb) where he has been working. When my mom pointed out that he had been seen in a local grocery store by one of my friends three full weeks after that date, he said, “That's bullshit.” Hah. He also told her that he thinks about me every day, and really wishes I would call him. [Insert profanity here. I uttered a lot of it.]

I don't have too much to update in terms of the ex-job, but here's what I've got:

The Board meeting the other night was more like the "bored" meeting - no wonder the ex-boss was able to pull the wool over their eyes for so long. The Board's president and the "consultant" both have very dominant personalities, and everyone tends to acquiesce to them, even when their opinion is actually completely different. Meanwhile, they took forever to decide really simple things, and periodically I had to interject with what (in each case) I felt was the obvious solution... they tended to take me up on my suggestions, and seemed amazed by them. Yeah, amazed by the obvious. Boy my confidence in these people is stoked.

Anyway, they didn't discuss the situation with the ex-boss in the public part of the meeting, and as such, I had to try and find out the dirt later from the current boss and my spy. They have a private portion of the meeting, during which they kick out any members of the public - and the "consultant". I found out later from the current boss that one of the things discussed during the private session was the "consultant" herself, and the fact that the board has discovered that she's been in regular contact with her friend, the ex-boss!! Apparently this is all coming to light, due to the fact that SHE was supposed to be the liason between the board and the Sherrif's office, and yet the Sherrif's office got very little of the evidence which the board had collected. Hmmmm. Oh, I'm hoping she gets busted, too, because I cannot stand that bitch.

The state-appointed workman's comp attorney interviewed staff members at the ex-job today with regards to the ex-boss's ridiculous claim that she was injured right before she was fired. I pretty much cannot possibly see how she can expect to win this, what with every single person who was employed there at the time stating that A) they didn't see the incident B) she didn't mention the incident and C) she seemed perfectly fine and healthy, and made no mention of any physical discomfort. Also, let's not forget D) she's under investigation for theft/embezzlement and E) she is crazy.

I had my interview today with the detective who is investigating both the ex-boss and the recent theft of a piece of equipment from my mom. Now, the prime suspects in this theft (to me and my mom at any rate) are the ex-boyfriend and the ex-boss. The detective used the theft as an excuse to go out and visit the ex-boss, ostensibly to see if the ex-boyfriend was around (no sign of the stolen equipment, but she didn't have a warrant, so she couldn't poke around). Anyhow, the ex-boss told the detective that the ex-boyfriend wasn't there because he was in a southern state visiting his sister... keep in mind that just a few weeks ago she sent a letter to the court stating that he had moved PERMANENTLY to a northern state, and was there working. This letter is the reason why the restraining order wasn't issued. And of course there's the fact that a friend and former coworker saw the ex-boyfriend here in town a little more than a week ago. Now because the letter that the ex-boss wrote wasn't “under oath” she can't be charged with perjury, but she can be charged with contempt of court... which I guess will just be thrown in with all the other charges that are probably going to be brought against her. Not that this does anything to get me my restraining order, but it's something.

The most astounding thing that I learned today? Now I knew that the ex-boss had a criminal record, because she bragged about it, although she never told anyone what it was that she'd been charged with. Well, apparently she'd been charged with a variety of small things. And oh yeah, HOMICIDE. That's right, the ex-boss stood trial for fucking MURDER. She was acquitted, but apparently due to some kind of evidentiary problem. That's right ladies and gentleman, she got off on a technicality. She was, however, convicted on a felony firearms charge from this whole murder thing. So yeah, the person who has been threatening me and my mother and our animals has killed someone. Actually killed someone. Fuck me. The detective just told me the bare bones of the case... it is driving me crazy that I can't find any details via google. I'm guessing she must have been tried under another name or something. (She's been married three times and I only know two of those names, and then there's her maiden name which I don't know.)

(Apparently the ex-boss was also dismissed from a previous employer – one she always claims she retired from, even though she is way too young to have retired from anywhere – due to a sexual harassment claim from a subordinate, although compared to MURDER that kinda pales into insignificance. Also: ew. Even if I were a horny guy: ew. She is so not attractive.)

Other than that, the interview wasn't too astounding. I'd already learned from my friend that the Board hadn't exactly been forthcoming with evidence, so I wasn't too surprised when she showed me the tiny amount of evidence that they had given her. In fact, I think that what I was able to give her today was more damning than the whole entire amount of things the Board had given her! Anyway, she is going to face several charges of theft (including felony counts) and some other charges as well. The whole thing with the ex-boss's daughter claiming she was doing community service at the ex-job while receiving her salary and while not actually working... well, they are both going to get in serious trouble for that. I also gave the detective copies of all the crazy shit that the ex-boss and her daughter had written about me on facebook. I'm not sure that it's going to come of anything, but she definitely took it a lot more seriously than the police officer to whom I'd show them previously. Of course, she's seen their rap sheets, and he hadn't!

One thing that I found interesting – there is a woman who is no longer officially on the Board, although she is present at every single meeting the Board calls her a “consultant.” This woman was responsible for the allowing the ex-boss's predecessor to get out of control (leading to a very different type of scandal long before I arrived) and she is responsible for the hiring of both the ex-boss and her daughter. She is also the person who swore at the Board meeting that she had no knowledge of the credit card the ex-boss had opened... and who later told the detective that she couldn't actually swear in court that she hadn't okayed the credit card because she didn't really remember... Anyway, from the questions I was asked about her, it became clear that the Sheriff's department is looking into the "consultant" as well. I am thrilled by this, as I cannot stand this woman. Also, this “consultant” was supposed to be the liaison between the Board and the Sheriff's Department... and meanwhile most of the evidence that was supposed to have been passed on to the Sheriff's Department hadn't been. You know, like my 25+ page statement, copies of things the ex-boss had written incriminating herself, etc. Luckily, I was able to provide these things to the detective. Definitely food for thought. I also have a feeling from the questions (and the evidence I was shown) that the treasurer on the Board is under investigation... as she signed two large checks, one to the ex-boss and one to the ex-boss's husband, and can't provide a decent explanation as to what those checks were for. In the treasurer's defense, I don't think she's all that bright, and she probably believed whatever BS the ex-boss told her as to why the check needed to be signed.

After leaving the Sheriff's department, I had an appointment at the V business, where one of the Board members works. I asked him if he'd heard about the murder, and he said he had only learned of it two days ago. I asked him why the Board had talked at their meetings about having so much evidence against the ex-boss, and yet the Sheriff's department hadn't received much of anything. He seemed very surprised, and told me that they have boxes of stuff (including my statement and things I'd emailed them that the ex-boss had written) and that as far as he knew, the Board President had given these things to the Sheriff's Department. I believe that he believes these things were turned over... but to me it's looking like several of the board members (and their damned “consultant”) are trying to cover their asses.

For months now the Board of Directors at the ex-job have been saying that they've been working with local law enforcement, gathering evidence against the ex-boss, that they wanted to make sure everything was airtight before she was charged.... APPARENTLY THIS WAS A LIE!! I am so angry with these moronic, incompetent idiots that I have been in a fury all afternoon. My friend and my replacement at the ex-job and I had been wondering for some time now why no one from the law enforcement agency that was investigating had contacted us... well, turns out this is because no one was investigating!! There is now a detective on the case, but she was only assigned the case THIS MONTH. Okay, so perhaps there was a reason for that, right? Well, she had an appointment this morning with my friend. Come to find out, the detective has been given almost no evidence from the board whatsoever. She had a meeting with them last week and told them essentially that if they didn't give her something to work with, she would have no case. You know how the board said there was a warrant out against the ex-boss for theft of two items? Nope. The detective didn't even have all the info on the missing items needed to file for a warrant! She was only given my name, my friend's name and my replacement's name after the meeting when she said she needed some evidence of wrongdoing. They hadn't even given her my statement, which detailed all sorts of illegal activities at the place, backed up by photos and pay stubs. Plus, one of the main things – the whole personal expenses on the company credit account thing – there was a board member who the ex-boss had insisted said it was ok. Well, at the Board meetings, said member had sworn that she never said any such thing, and that this was the first she'd ever heard about it, yadda, yadda, yadda. Well... she apparently told the detective that she couldn't swear in court that she hadn't told the ex-boss it was ok because she didn't really remember. Yeah. At least the detective did confirm that the ex-boss's daughter is getting punished for “doing community service” at the ex-job while receiving her salary! Anyway, I have my meeting with the detective on Friday. At this point, who knows if anything will come of it. The ex-boss might very well get away with it because the Board is filled with a bunch of inept morons.

Just stopped by the ex-job to chat. One of my former coworkers, who works at the ex-job full time and at a local grocery store full time saw the ex-boyfriend in said grocery store on Friday. As in three days ago. I don't suppose it can count as perjury if you submit a note to the judge in lieu of testifying under oath? Although who among us is surprised that his mommy, ye olde psychotic ex boss, lied to the judge about his whereabouts.

I had my hearing for a restraining order, and it was both anticlimactic and annoying. I went to the Magistrate Court on Monday (the first day it was open following the events depicted in the previous post) to get a restraining order. I filed the application, and had a hearing scheduled for really early today. The ex-boyfriend did not show up. I explained in detail everything that had happened, from the day I kicked him out through the events the other evening.

Then the judge told me that the ex-boyfriend's mother, the oh-so-honest-and-reliable ex-boss sent a letter to the court, telling them that the ex-boyfriend had left the state and "would not be back for a long time, if ever" - I explained to the judge that his mother was under investigation for theft and embezzlement, was known to lie, and had made threatening statements against me, but that was discounted. I was told that since his mother said he was no longer in the state, they would hold the case in a certain open status for 180 days... basically making it so that if he showed up and/or bothered me during that time frame, they would re-consider issuing the restraining order.

Now, I went home and immediately googled the type of open status that I was told the case was placed in. (If you're my facebook friend, you've seen the term that was used.) Apparently this is not a real legal term. I am not even using it here because if you google the two word term in quotes, you only get TWO pages of results... only ONE result has anything to do with the law... and it is a link to my local county's Magistrate Court website!

I was feeling OK about the whole thing when I left, thinking they'll keep it open, so if he bothers me again I can get a restraining order.... although I was annoyed that I have to wait for him to leap out of my bushes at me AGAIN in order for this to happen. But the more I think about it, the more it just pisses me off. I came in and was placed under oath, and yet the ex-boss wasn't placed under oath or even there, and they took her word that he is no longer in the state! Must be nice to have mommy write you a note to get you out of trouble. And then I find out that the alleged legal status of my case isn't a real legal status, it's just something that exists in my weird, uneducated, southern county. I really feel like cussing a lot right now.

Late yesterday afternoon, I had been cleaning my house, and I’d left my phone on my bed, unattended for quite some time. At some point I picked it up, and it was filled with all these voicemails and texts from the ex, all saying “Please call me or I’ll just have to go over there and see you.” Now, I’d been rather attached to my phone number – mainly because I’d had nice business cards made up for the non-profit my mom and I are working on which had that number printed on them – but at this point I just said, ‘fuck it, I can’t take this any more, I’m getting a new phone number.’ I went over to my mom’s to go online and do just that, and I hung out there for a while and didn’t get home until around 10:30pm.

I’d been thinking that there was a good chance the ex might be there waiting for me when I got home, so I’d intended to scour all the nearby driveways and such pretty closely before getting out of my car. However, as I pulled up, there was a car approaching from the opposite direction, driving very slowly. All my attention was focused on that car, because it seemed very much like it was driving slowly to get a good look at who I was. Turns out I was right about that part at least – it was the cop who has my block as his beat. Relieved that it was just a cop and not the psycho ex, I pulled into my driveway, turned off the ignition and began getting my stuff together.

That was when I noticed the ex’s car parked in the back of the neighbor’s driveway, and the ex himself running up to my window. I immediately turned the car back on, and told him through the window to go away and leave me alone. He pulled out a piece of paper, and asked me to take it, saying he’d leave if I just took the note he’d written me. I should’ve known that was a ploy, but at one point I’d actually liked and cared about this guy, and part of me still wanted to think that there’s some facet of the good/nice person I’d thought he was inside there somewhere. Hah. Won’t be making that mistake again.

I’d rolled the window down a couple of inches, and he immediately grabbed hold of the window frame and began begging me to take him back. I started to try and drive away, but he wouldn’t let go, and said I’d just have to drag him or that he would hop on the hood of my car. I told him I was going to call the police and took out my phone and began to dial 911. At that point he started freaking out, shouting “Why would you do this to me? You’re just trying to ruin my life.” and then he reached his arm in and tried to wrestle the phone away from me. Luckily, the window wasn’t open far enough for him to do that successfully, although he did end up slamming the side of his arm into my face in the process, which hurt, but not badly or anything.

As soon as he heard “…County 911, What is your emergency?” he literally ran for his car and tore out of there. The cop was there within two minutes (having driven past my house half a minute or so before all this began, he wasn’t very far away), and took my statement, and advised me to get a restraining order on Monday. He said that given everything that had happened that night, I shouldn’t have any trouble getting a restraining order. He said that this way if the ex shows up, even if he doesn’t do anything threatening to me, he would be in violation of the order, which would cause him to get arrested. The ex’s car is pretty distinctive, so he said he’d keep an eye out for it, and would definitely make sure they got him out of there if he showed up.

Also, when I told the cop the ex’s name, he repeated the last name like he was trying to place it. So I said, “His mother is the former boss of the ex-job.” To which he said, “Oh. Yeah. She’s a loon.” (And that’s a direct quote!)

But you want to know the scariest part of the whole thing? I’d been in my car the whole time I was talking to the cop. When he was getting ready to leave, he said he’d stick around until I got in my house. At that point I noticed that my front porch light was off. Sometimes I do forget to turn it on when I leave, but that usually happens when I leave my house in the daytime and come home at night. I rarely leave after dark without putting on the light, although it has happened. My first thought was, ‘this *would* be the night I forget to turn on my porch light.’ However, it was only after I’d been inside for a good half hour, with the cops long gone, that I remembered that the front porch light was off and went to go turn it on. Except that it WAS turned on. The asshole had unscrewed the lightbulb to make the front porch dark.

So apparently when I don't answer my phone or reply to texts, the next logical thing for the ex to do is to show up on my front door step. Same old same old "Please take me back" and "I gave up everything for you, the least you can do is give me one more chance" bullshit. One new tidbit y'all might find interesting.... he admitted that he had lied when he left the voice mail and the text saying that he had cut himself, and said that the follow up messages about the hospital, and the bandage he'd been wearing on his arm were just because I'd sent the cops out to his house and he thought he had to prove that he really had tried to kill himself. That is even more psycho than texting your ex mid-suicide. Blech.

There was a notice in the local paper that someone from the neigboring county had been arrested for stealing donations meant for the ex-job. While it was neither the ex-boss nor any name I recognized, the person did live in the neighboring county where she lives. I checked with the current management at the ex-job, and the police are looking into whether or not this person was connected with the ex-boss. They also checked the other donation sites... and apparently this person had emptied a good number of them before getting caught :-( Whether or not this individual is connected to the ex-boss, this is simply reprehensible... especially given how much shit the ex-job has been through in the past year!

So as y’all know, I’d been in contact with my ex. This was in part because I do think that being in touch with some of my exes actually helped me to get over them. Your exes treat you differently when they’re your ex, and has at least helped *me* put things into perspective in the past. Meanwhile, it was obviously not helping the ex, since he continued with his begging/pleading/crying routine every time we spoke. He also continued calling me all the time, and then started showing up at my house.

Slight interlude: Something I hate more than anything else is people who call and call and call. I have run across several of folks like this in my life, and I just don’t get it. If I call a friend and they don’t answer, I leave a message. If I don’t hear back within a certain amount of time (which, depending on how well I know the person and how urgent it is… but this time can range from a day to as week) I will call back and either talk to them or leave another message. And unless it’s a close family member or someone that I’m worried might’ve had an accident or something, that’s it. At that point, I stop calling. Then there are people who call over and over and over. If I don’t answer, it’s because I can’t talk to you, or because I don’t want to talk to you. This should be obvious! Now, I have a bit of a phone phobia to begin with, and to be honest, this whole calling over and over and over thing really freaks me out, even when it is done by someone annoying but innocuous. When it’s the crazy ex, it’s really disturbing.

Yesterday I was in class from early morning to mid afternoon. He knew that it was my first day of class. I had my phone set to vibrate (luckily, my vibrate setting is incredibly quiet – I can’t hear is at all when it’s in my pocket) – and he called and texted me over and over non-stop all day! The initial message was something like, “Please call me back, I have something really important to ask you.” Each successive message got crazier and crazier, ie “Please call me back. Why are you doing this to me? Please stop ignoring me. I just need to ask you something.” When I finally got out of my last class and went home, I was so pissed off, that I decided this was it – I was going to do like so many of you have advised and just cut off contact with him completely. So when he called again, I answered, chewed him out for calling me all day, and informed him that I wasn’t going to continue communicating with him, and told him that if he continued to call/text/visit I would get a restraining order against him. I then hung up and sent him a text message saying the same thing. This way if I do have to get a RO, there will be proof that I have indeed told him to stop doing these things.

And then I stopped responding. He called over and over and over and texted over and over and over…. Finally, when my phone hadn’t rung in about 30 minutes, I thought I would at least go through and delete his obnoxious texts and voicemails, so that I wouldn’t have to deal with them when I received texts/vms from people that I actually want to hear from. Well, his messages were all “I’m going to kill myself if you don’t talk to me” and finally one (both a text and a vm) that said “I’ve cut myself and am bleeding all over the place. I hope you’re happy.” To be honest, I didn’t care at all… except that knowing his mother and her crazy obsession with cockamamie lawsuits, I figured if he really did die, and she discovered that he’d messaged me in the process, she would try and sue me. So, I called 911.

I made sure the dispatcher knew that he was my ex, and had been threatening to kill himself as a means of getting me to call him. I told her I had no idea if he’d actually done anything or if he was just trying to get me to call him. She sent both the police and EMS. (I have to admit that the thought of having the police show up at the ex-boss’s house thoroughly amuses me. Also, why have they not yet arrested her? Grrrrr.)

Anyway, later in the evening (and this morning, too) I received several texts and vms from him. “I’m in the hospital.” “I just got out of the hospital” “I’m so sorry” “I’m not mad at you for sending the police to my house” “Please call me” “Please call me” “Please call me” Blah. Needless to say, I did not answer, and I am not going to do so.